Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this practice?

In
the
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apply
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today's fast-paced era, watching TV has become a major pastime among children. I believe that
this
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trend has more demerits than merits.
To begin
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with, one of the prominent advantages of spending excessive
time
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in front of the screen by children is that it helps to disseminate information among them. The availability of news channels and cultural programs cannot only inform them about different events but
also
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introduce them to international foreign
contents
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content
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, helping them to stimulate their cognitive development
,
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apply
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and critical thinking skills.
For example
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, if children watch Dhruv Rathee's show
who
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, which
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provides insights into new and different perspectives, they can get to know about various things,
such
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as global warming, current issues around the world, and some educational content.
On the other hand
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,
drawbacks
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the drawbacks
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of minors allocating more
time
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for televisions
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to television
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cannot be overlooked.
Firstly
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, health-related predicaments,
such
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as obesity, eye strain, and poor
postures
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posture
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, can arise.
This
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is because
thery
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they
have little
time
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left for physical activities and they may overeat
while
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watching.
Consequently
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, it can
further
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exacerbate weight gain and diminish cardiovascular fitness.
Secondly
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,
this
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trend can
desturb
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disturb
their sleep and mental peace because exposure to some violent content may cause anxiety, depression, and
instill
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instil
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fear.
As a result
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, they find
impedicaments
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impediments
to relax and sleep peacefully.
To conclude
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,
although
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spreading awareness among them about the world is the main drawback of the scenario,
yet
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it can increase health diseases
along with
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disturb
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disturbing
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their sleep
time
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and mental peace, which are the main culprits of
this
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trend.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in each body part. Say why the bad side is stronger than the good side.
task response
Use examples that are more general and easy to trust. One real person can work, but a wider example is often better.
task response
Check the ending. It says awareness is the main drawback, but this is the good side. This makes your final view unclear.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a more even way. The good side has one main point, and the bad side has two. Add a short line to compare them clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few lines are hard to follow because of wrong word choice. Use short and clear link words.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when possible. A few long sentences become hard to read.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion early.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You give causes and results for the bad side, which helps support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural awareness
  • Stimulate curiosity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Language comprehension
  • Desensitization
  • Educational programs
  • Social development
  • Communication skills
  • Behavioral impact
  • Comparative analysis
  • Physical activity
  • Impairment
  • Enhancement
  • Exposure
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