IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others, it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,
sport
Use synonyms
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fame and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several
finansial invesments
Correct your spelling
financial investments
 in it.Some
people
Use synonyms
condsider
Correct your spelling
consider
 the raised authority of sports activities as only positive
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 others
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 and
convinced
Verb problem
are convinced
show examples
 that it may
also
Linking Words
 have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 side.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand,
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 popularity of
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 may encourage more
people
Use synonyms
 to start
exercises
Replace the word
exercising
.When
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 news and live broadcasting of different
Use synonyms
sport event
Check wording
sports events
show examples
 are everywhere
ignoring
Punctuation problem
, ignoring
show examples
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 became almost
imposible
Correct your spelling
impossible
.
Due to
Linking Words
it
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 huge numbers of individual became interested in various sports and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a desire to
perfrom
Correct your spelling
perform
 it or at least try.The increased demand for
place
Check wording
places
show examples
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can held theirs
sport
Use synonyms
 events and for
profecianals
Correct your spelling
professionals
 who can teach
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a particular
sport
Use synonyms
 provoked a surge in
creation
Correct article usage
the creation
show examples
 of
such
Linking Words
 facilities as stadiums,gyms,
sport
Use synonyms
 schools.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 finding convinient place where you can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 your
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 needs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 easier
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 ever have been.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the city
which establish
Correct subject-verb agreement
that establishes
show examples
 big international competitions may encounter
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems with street
contamitation
Correct your spelling
contamination
 and overload of local infrastructure.An enormous inflow of foreign fans
induce
Correct subject-verb agreement
induces
show examples
 excess usage of service
businiseness
Correct your spelling
businesses
 and public transport.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
streeet
Correct your spelling
the street
 became overcrowded with
people
Use synonyms
 who often
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 care about cleanliness.
Consequently
Linking Words
,it
cause troubles
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes trouble
show examples
 for
local
Check wording
locals
show examples
 who lost oportunity to live in their own city with comfort
while
Linking Words
 olympiads or similar events are conducted. In my opinion,the fact that
Use synonyms
sport
Correct subject-verb agreement
sports
show examples
 are famous and wealthy has more benifits that drawbracks.Because
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
massifacted
Correct your spelling
mass-produced
 sports and gave a chance to do it for biger volume of humans. In
cocnlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,despite the
unconviniets factorts
Correct your spelling
inconvenient factors
 during
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 event for inhabitans it
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a sufficient impact for local economy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,bringing
sport
Use synonyms
 to
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
amoung
Correct your spelling
number
 of
people
Use synonyms
 can solve a sedentary lifestyle
trouble
Check wording
apply
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad, but your own view is very short.
task response
Give clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One main idea, then explain it, then give one clear example.
task response
Use examples that fit the question better. Big events are one bad side, but the question is also about famous and rich sports stars.
task response
Make your opinion easy to see. Write it clearly in the introduction and explain it again in the body.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, for example, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because word order is not clear. Keep sentences shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph stays on one topic only.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to explain your ideas, not only list them.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-profile
  • grassroots
  • advocacy
  • charity work
  • social causes
  • irresponsible behavior
  • negative influence
  • commercial interests
  • sporting spirit
  • profit-driven
  • individual star players
  • team achievements
What to do next:
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