IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

ome people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often said that there are some people
claim
Correct pronoun usage
who claim
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 that governments should provide mothers with financial support.
This
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 is a common topic of discussion which can have many opinions.
Also
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,
this
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 essay takes a look at both sides of the discussion. On the one hand, when it comes to raising
children
Punctuation problem
children,
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 some families are in need
for
Change preposition
of
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 money to live but don't have the time to work.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, it would be great if the government provides them with
that which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 can lead to peace and may avoid problems.
Moreover
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, not only can it lead to peace, but
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also
Correct word choice
apply
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it
has
Correct word order
also has
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 a huge role
on
Change preposition
in
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 lowering the
amount of
Check wording
apply
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crime rate. That can lead to why some people agree with
this
Linking Words
 kind of topic.
On the other hand
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, others disagree and might say that mothers can have a financial job which can benefit their needs well enough.
In addition
Linking Words
, it might have a big financial impact, owing to the fact that it costs a lot to take care of every family. It is often discussed
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
, however
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, not
clear
Rephrase
clearly
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 enough to observe both people's
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there are good arguments on both sides,
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however, i
Correct word choice
I
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 personally feel that the advantage of support from the country
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweighs
 any of the disadvantages, and i therefor think that it would be great to help some families out there.

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task response
Answer the question more directly from the start. Say clearly if you agree or disagree.
task response
Give one or two clear reasons for your view, and explain them more.
task response
Add a simple real example to support your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like 'however', 'therefore', and 'moreover'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid sentences that are too general or unclear. Make each sentence connect to the point before it.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You show both sides of the topic before giving your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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