IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To what extent do you agree that individuals also contribute to air pollution? Write 300 words!

Air
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pollution
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 is frequently seen as being created by industry or by the state.
However
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, the fact of the matter is that the average individual
creates
Correct word order
also creates air pollution
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air
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pollution
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also
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. I agree with the statement that though a few sources contribute large amounts to the pollutants in the
air
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, many individuals
also
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 cause considerable damage to
air
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 quality through their small daily actions.
Air
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pollution
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 is caused by a range of
factors
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, including our personal modes of
transport
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. It is often individuals themselves who make
choices
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 that make the greatest contribution to
air
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pollution
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emissions
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.
Although
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transport
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 is a significant sector in terms of total
emissions
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, there are many opportunities for improvement in everyday
transport
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choices
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.
For
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example
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, driving a car, especially
one
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 which is powered by fossil fuels
such
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 as petrol or diesel, is
one
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 of the largest individual contributions to
air
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pollution
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.
Emissions
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 from cars include carbon dioxide (CO2), which is a greenhouse gas responsible for climate change,
as well as
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 other gases
such
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 as nitrogen oxides (NOx) that create smog. If more of us travelled to work and school using public
transport
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, by car, by bike or on
foot
Punctuation problem
foot,
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then
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 we could all help to reduce harmful
transport
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emissions
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. Individual
transport
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choices
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Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, therefore
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therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 make a huge difference to our levels of
air
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pollution
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.
As well as
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 being created by vehicles,
emissions
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 can be produced during the process of carrying out domestic tasks. By using non-renewable energy resources, and by consuming too much electricity, or by burning up household waste, dangerous gases are
given out
Verb problem
released
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.
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Example
Change preposition
For example
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: because lighting and electrical appliances are often left on for no good reason, power stations using coal and gas to generate electricity have to be used, with pollutants being given out as a byproduct. Toning creams, aerosol sprays and some detergents and disinfectants are
further
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 examples. They emit gases that can have an adverse effect on human health. Agents have freedom within the context of many global
factors
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.
For
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example
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, governments and corporations can control buildings, facilities, sources of energy, etc., thereby constraining the
choices
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 that an agent can make. Consider
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for
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, for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 a city with a terrible bus system, and the only way to get from
one
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 place to another is by car. It’s clear that human activities contribute to
air
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pollution
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 in multiple ways, through everything from what we eat to our daily movements and the products we use.
While
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 certain
factors
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 can be outside of our control, it is
also
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 possible that the sum of our daily personal activities can lead to worsening
air
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 quality
as well as
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 improvement. So
while
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air
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pollution
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 is a huge, highly complex and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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global problem —
one
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that is
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 the result of much more than just our own daily personal
choices
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, our individual responsibility doesn’t disappear just because the larger
factors
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 are outside of our direct influence.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one more direct example to support your second main idea.
task response
Keep all parts focused on the main question. The part about limits from the state is useful, but it should link more clearly to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic lines at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few ideas move too fast. Add short link words to show how one point leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well grouped into parts, but one body part mixes your view with the other side. Separate these more clearly.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear overall view.
task response
Your first body part has a clear main idea and a useful example about cars.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear start and end, and the essay feels complete.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a logical order, so the reader can follow your thinking.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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