IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a results, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree

the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 majority of people
are at the belief
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 that the younger generations should pursue an academic path in their
lives
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to a
purtion
Correct your spelling
portion
 of the population being convinced that topics
such
Linking Words
 as physical
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 and cooking should not be in the school cariculam so more time is spent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academia.
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 fully disagree with
this
Linking Words
 mindset for
phyiscal activies
Correct your spelling
physical activities
 and other
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
such
Linking Words
 as cooking play a very
improtant roll
Correct your spelling
important role
 in the development and growth of
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 and teens, for that
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 it gives them a new pathway of
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 and skills that are useful in their future
lives
Use synonyms
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 topics
such
Linking Words
 as physical education will allow the younger
demograthic
Correct your spelling
demographic
 to be able to find passion and more
importantlly
Correct your spelling
importantly
 teach discipline, and cookery
also
Linking Words
 has
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 uses for when these generations leave their families and try to be independent.
Linking Words
further
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
more
Punctuation problem
more,
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 if growth is only focused on academic topics,
this
Linking Words
 will inevitably lead to
burn out
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burnout
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that will be a massive cause in
youths
Check wording
youths'
show examples
 social
develpment
Correct your spelling
development
.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
 will lead to a lot of mental health issues in the future
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 isolation
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 classes
such
Linking Words
 as
phyical activitie
Correct your spelling
physical activity
 education
will
Wrong verb form
to
show examples
also
Linking Words
 create team building and communication skills that will have a net positive in other aspects of their
lives
Use synonyms
 in conclution their should be other activities for the younger generations
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they have a chance of
develpoing
Correct your spelling
developing
 other skills in their
lives
Use synonyms
 that can give
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
them
show examples
 a positive boost in
moral
Use the right word
morale
show examples
 and health

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task response
For task response, give a more direct answer in the first line. Say clearly that you disagree, and why.
task response
For task response, add one or two clear examples. For example, say how sport helps health and teamwork, and how cooking helps daily life.
task response
For task response, develop each main idea more. Do not only name the benefit; explain how and why it helps young people.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, split ideas into clear paragraphs: intro, body 1, body 2, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each paragraph focus on one main idea only. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task response
For task response, you answered the question and gave a clear opinion: you disagree.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant. You talk about health, life skills, discipline, and teamwork.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use some basic linking ideas like for that reason, further more, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Holistic development
  • Balanced curriculum
  • Stress reduction
  • Mental well-being
  • Life skills
  • Time management
  • Teamwork
  • Diverse talents
  • Childhood obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Employability
  • Job market demands
  • Creativity
  • Problem-solving
  • Academic pressures
  • Non-academic subjects
  • Curriculum design
  • Physical health
  • Independence
  • Personal development
What to do next:
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