IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that universities should focus only on academic subjects, while others think students should also learn practical skills such as communication and teamwork.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In
today’s
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 modern world, university curriculum has become a topic of significant debate.
While
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 some people believe that
universities
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 should
focus
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 only on academic subjects, others argue that they should
also
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focus
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 on practical
skills
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such
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 as communication and teamwork. I partially disagree with
this
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 statement
in
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. In
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 my
opinion
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opinion,
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universities
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 should
focus
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 on
both
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.
This
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 essay will discuss
both
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 views and give my opinion
at the end
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. One significant reason why some people believe that
universities
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 should
focus
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 only on academic subjects is the rapid growth of technology. In
today’s
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 world, artificial intelligence is replacing many jobs.
Therefore
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,
student
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students
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 need strong academic
skills
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.
For instance
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, in recent
years
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years,
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 many companies
had
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have
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 laid off many employees because of AI, because they only have some basic
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. In
today’s
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 market who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a good knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
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 technology are more likely
getting
Wrong verb form
to get a
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 promotion in their respective field.
Thus
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, supporter argues that
universities
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 need to
focus
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 on academic subjects.
On the other hand
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that
universities
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 should
also
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focus
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 on practical
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skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 like communication and teamwork, as in
today’s
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 world
without
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, without
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 practical knowledge
they
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, they
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 can not get jobs. As
,
Correct determiner usage
the
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 market
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 rigid
for
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, for
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 fresher companies need apart from
there
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their
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 technical
skill
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 they demand some practical
skills
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. They
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
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 that we can teach them technical
skill
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 but practical
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skill
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skills
show examples
 they should know prior, as it will save cost for companies. For
instances
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instance
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, in India major reason for unemployment is not
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skill I
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skills
show examples
they
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; they
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 are lacking in communication
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skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 and
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
.
Thus
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, others argue that
universities
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 should teach
both
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 academic and practical
skills
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. In conclusion, in my opinion
Universities
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 should teach
both
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 academic and practical
skills
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, so they get a job in
today’s
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 rigid market.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but each side needs more clear support.
task response
Add one or two simple and real examples for each main idea.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are too short or too general.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words between ideas and inside sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences are hard to follow because grammar errors break the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The main topic stays relevant through the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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