IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by other sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The views on the creative
artists
Use synonyms
’ disbursement aids between the government and the other charities or organizations is controversial
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of financial help in
this
Linking Words
 specific profession, which is the art industry. In my opinion, innovative
artists
Use synonyms
 should be provided a large amount of funding by the governments, but some fractions should be allocated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other art institutional organisations. Many
artists
Use synonyms
 , including painters and musicians, should be funded fully by the government because of their wide range of different sources compared to other enterprises. By doing so, experienced generations of
artists
Use synonyms
 will periodically give training to the thriving individuals. The more material resources there are , the more creative and enthusiastic the
artists
Use synonyms
 become.
For example
Linking Words
, when the government assist finanical aids to the outstanding
artists
Use synonyms
 for the vocal or painting class for a certain period of time , they will have opportunities to apply in real life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, small or medium organisations can only partially
backing
Wrong verb form
back
show examples
 these
artists
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the limited amount of money. Even if they want to consistently aid them for their welfare, they cannot cover lots of people.
Consequently
Linking Words
, in the worst-case scenario, the establishment cannot withstand the long-term survival and will fall into bankruptcy. Another way to give
example
Correct article usage
an example
show examples
 is that the
artists
Use synonyms
 themselves earn money by teaching beginners with
decent
Correct article usage
a decent
show examples
 amount of class fee.
However
Linking Words
, they might end up swtiching career,
instead
Linking Words
 of pursuing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their dreams. In conclusion, in my point of view, union funding is enough to provide the
artists
Use synonyms
’ social welfare and their professions,
while
Linking Words
 other organisations have limited amounts of income sources.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You wrote about government help and other groups, but the side for other groups is too short and not strong enough.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way from start to end. Your view is mostly clear, but the last line says 'union funding' and this is not easy to understand.
task response
Use more direct and clear examples. Your example about classes is not very specific, so it does not strongly support your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas connect in a simpler way. Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning changes too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. The third paragraph about artists teaching class feels separate and does not fit well with the paragraph before it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like 'On the other hand' and 'Consequently' should match the idea before and after more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, so your essay has a full basic shape.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion, which is needed for this task.
coherence and cohesion
Some main ideas are easy to see, such as government support, limited money from small groups, and artists teaching to earn money.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • creative artists
  • painters
  • musicians
  • government funding
  • artistic expression
  • creativity
  • passion
  • talent
  • cultural development
  • social development
  • state-controlled art
  • artistic freedom
  • alternative sources
  • grants
  • sponsorships
  • crowdfunding
  • responsibility
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