IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In the contemporary world, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 argue that
declining
Verb problem
reducing
show examples
 the number of times they fly
annual year
Rephrase
annually
show examples
 or
to stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 flying altogether brings
the
Correct article usage
more
show examples
 environmental benefits
outweigh the
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 disadvantages for people and businesses. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 tendency has both pros and cons.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, reducing the number of times inhabitants fly every year
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to decrease the consumption of fuels and energy. If people don’t have
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
 to use
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
, the
airports
Use synonyms
 will be closed.
As a result
Linking Words
, the fuels and energy which support
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 to take off are unnecessary.
For instance
Linking Words
, a British family plummate the percentage of having
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
show examples
; it not only
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
 money, but it
also
Linking Words
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the emission exploiting into the air.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
 that, stopping flying altogether can protect
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, that behaviour not only
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
 financial
, but
Check wording
resources, but
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to reduce the contamination.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, stopping flying altogether influence on transportation and
individuals
Use synonyms
’
plan
Check wording
plans
show examples
.
Airports
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in our air travel, which provide delivery and travel from long
distance
Check wording
distances
show examples
. If all
airports
Use synonyms
 are closed, the goods can not be
tranported
Correct your spelling
transported
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 aim to study abroad
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they need to fly frequently.
In addition
Linking Words
,
airports
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 supply financial
for
Check wording
support for
show examples
 businesses and generate careers for
individuals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as pilots.
For example
Linking Words
, my friends want to travel to
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 nations to experience more new discoveries, so they need to book
ticket
Correct article usage
a ticket
show examples
 to go abroad.
Thus
Linking Words
, flying
also
Linking Words
 contribute in entertainment phase.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the number of times people fly every year attracts
to
Check wording
attention to
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, it plays a fundamental role in
Use synonyms
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 and businesses’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the governments should have a policy to balance the
frequence
Correct your spelling
frequency
 of flying without affecting
to
Change preposition
the
show examples
 environment.

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task response
State your own answer clearly in the first part. Say if the good points for the earth are more important than the bad points, or not. Your first part says there are both good and bad points, but it does not give a clear choice.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how fewer flights cut air pollution, and then explain why this may be more or less important than lost travel, work, and trade.
task response
Make your examples clear and real. The British family example is hard to understand. Use a simple example, such as a family taking one train trip instead of one flight each year.
task response
Do not say all airports will close if people fly less. This is too strong and not likely. Say that fewer flights may lead to fewer services, less work, and higher ticket prices.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: first part with your answer, one part on the earth, one part on people and business, and a last part that repeats your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea. In the first body part, focus on pollution. In the second, focus on travel, jobs, and business.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the order of your ideas: 'First', 'For example', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In short'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part match your view. It should clearly say whether the good points for the earth are greater than the bad points, then give one short reason.
task response
You discuss both the good points for the earth and the bad points for people and business.
task response
You include examples about holidays, study in another country, travel, and jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear first part, two body parts, and a last part.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'To sum up'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reduce
  • benefits
  • environment
  • pollution
  • travel
  • businesses
  • individuals
  • challenges
  • meetings
  • connections
  • effort
  • manage
  • remotely
  • money
  • stress
  • local
  • culture
  • discovering
  • innovative
  • technology
  • ways
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