IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many individuals have cut down on the frequency of flights or even made a decision
of stopping
Wrong verb form
to stop
show examples
 travelling by
air
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 initiative can bring a number of environmental benefits, I believe its drawbacks are more significantly
concerned
Replace the word
concerning
 for people and businesses
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 convenience and the reduction of logistics, respectively. On the one hand, there are
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of advantages which are resulted from the decrease in flying. One of which is the reduction of
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
 gas emissions. The production and operation of planes require a remarkable amount of resources and burning fossil oils, leading to excessive carbon dioxide
released
Verb problem
being released
show examples
 into our environment;
therefore
Linking Words
, it helps protect ecosystems.
Moreover
Linking Words
, fewer flights would improve
air
Use synonyms
 quality, particularly in areas near airports where pollution levels are typically higher.
As a result
Linking Words
, limiting
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 can play a crucial role in preventing our environment from pollution.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the disadvantages of reducing
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of times flying for individuals and companies are more significant. In terms of people, it can be highly inconvenient and time-consuming when they have to
travel
Use synonyms
 by alternative kinds of transportation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 take more time travelling. Futhermore for business, supply chains may be disrupted by the absence of
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
, as goods would take
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 time to be delivered, affecting
customer’s
Check wording
customers’
show examples
 satisfaction and
firms’s
Punctuation problem
firms’
show examples
 benefits.
For instance
Linking Words
, thanks to the
advance
Check wording
advances
show examples
 in online shopping, people
now can
Correct word order
can now
show examples
 buy whatever they want on online platforms;
however
Linking Words
, without
air
Use synonyms
 freight, products could require more time
as well as
Linking Words
 money for
customer
Check wording
customers
show examples
 to receive
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
, particularly when it comes from
half
Correct determiner usage
the other
show examples
 hemisphere. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 reducing
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 some practical environmental benefits, including the decrease in CO2 emission and better
air
Use synonyms
 quality, the initiative’s drawbacks for individuals and businesses are too
considerabe
Correct your spelling
considerable
 to neglect.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example to show why business problems are big.
task response
Explain your ideas a little more, so each point feels full and easy to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and more direct links between ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and sentence form, because some parts are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph stay on one main idea and support it step by step.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use an example about online shopping and delivery time.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas move in a clear order from one paragraph to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reduce
  • benefits
  • environment
  • pollution
  • travel
  • businesses
  • individuals
  • challenges
  • meetings
  • connections
  • effort
  • manage
  • remotely
  • money
  • stress
  • local
  • culture
  • discovering
  • innovative
  • technology
  • ways
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