IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some young people are leaving the country side to lives in cities and towns,leaving only old people in the country side. What problems are caused by this issue. What can be done to solve this issue

Nowadays, young
people
Use synonyms
 are leaving the
Use synonyms
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
side
Use synonyms
 to live in cities and towns, leaving only old
people
Use synonyms
 in the
Use synonyms
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
side
Use synonyms
 to have better job and education
oppurtonities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and
service
Check wording
services
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will talk about the solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. First of all, services,
such
Linking Words
 as
hospital
Check wording
hospitals
show examples
, gas
station
Check wording
stations
show examples
,
school
Check wording
schools,
show examples
 and
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
, are easy to
approch
Correct your spelling
approach
 in cities and towns, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the new generations leave the
Use synonyms
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
side
Use synonyms
 to have safe and fast access to them. And, to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem goverments should provide more services in the
Use synonyms
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
side
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, education and job opportunities are vulnerable in cities and town. Most
people
Use synonyms
 are leaving their
Use synonyms
side
Correct word choice
home
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 to have a better and
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 education. So, creating more opportunities that
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them a decent life in the
side
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
 by
more
Verb problem
building more
show examples
 buliding schools and universities in the
side
Use synonyms
 part will make them stay there forever.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
country
Use synonyms
side
Use synonyms
 need to have strong jobs and educations oppurtonities and easy and fast
approch
Correct your spelling
approach
 services to let young
people
Use synonyms
 stay in it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk more about solutions, but the problems are not clear enough.
task response
Add one clear problem in each body part, then add one solution for it.
task response
Use more clear ideas. Some sentences are hard to understand.
task response
Give a small real example, like old people with no bus, no doctor, or no workers on farms.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts feel sudden or not fully joined.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each paragraph and explain it more.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and sentence form, because grammar errors make the flow weak.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic paragraphing.
task response
You give some reasons, like jobs, school, and services.
task response
Your main topic stays on the question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: