IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opionion.

Someone
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that high success of advertising can drag
people
Use synonyms
for shopping
Wrong verb form
to shop
show examples
. Different groups insist that
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 can ignore
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
normal
Use synonyms
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
. My opinion about the first belief, buying
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 that
persuaded by advertise
Correct word order
is persuaded by advertising
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, is extreamly agreed.
Becuuse
Correct your spelling
Because
 the academic journals show
the evidences
Check wording
evidence
show examples
 that selling goods include
advertisement
Use synonyms
 can make
people
Use synonyms
 feel more interested.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 will want to prove that the stuff will be as good as the seller told or not. That means the
advertisement
Use synonyms
 affect to the feeling of customers directly. Refer to my experience, I had ever planned to purchase new
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
 goods
of one
Change preposition
from a
show examples
 brand
which
Verb problem
that is
show examples
 very famous.
However
Linking Words
, the sales advertise the of qualification of
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 brand product which no one had
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
known before.
As a result
Linking Words
 of the interesting feeling was occured, I
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 my mind to buy the new one. The second belief
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 there is nothing attracted to them by the
advertisement
Use synonyms
. I think that these
people
Use synonyms
 seem to have a lot of selling
experiences
Check wording
experience
show examples
. And can prove that the quality sometimes
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not follow the advertising. And I respect them because they have
dramatically
Correct article usage
a dramatically
show examples
 strong heart. If all
people
Use synonyms
 can control
our mind
Fix the agreement mistake
their minds
show examples
 to have
belief
Correct article usage
a belief
show examples
 as the 2nd thought. Everyone will have skills of mind controlling,
then
Linking Words
 they can buy all
products
Correct article usage
the products
show examples
 they want
depends
Wrong verb form
, depending
show examples
 on
real
Correct determiner usage
their real
show examples
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
. Even
my
Correct word choice
though my
show examples
 opinion is quite
prefer
Change preposition
in favour of
show examples
 the first choice,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the second way
is exist
Wrong verb form
exists
show examples
. Everyone should
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 goods by other shopping style
repectation
Correct your spelling
respect
. Whether the
advertisement
Use synonyms
 effects will reflect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 or not. But
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 buying is the most important thing.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully and give your own view in a clear way from the start.
task response
Explain your main ideas more, so the reader can see why you think this.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Make one clear plan: intro, one paragraph for side one, one for side two, then conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and in the end.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and enough support.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
task response
You used a personal example to support your idea.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs and a short ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: