IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. it would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that nowadays kids are dependent on computers and electronic entertainment.
Therefore
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, we need to encourage them to play some outdoor
sports
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some people may disagree, I completely agree with
this
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 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will outline the reasons for my opinion.
Firstly
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, it is important to consider personal growth and learning new skills in young age, not everything can be taught through electronic devices.
Additionally
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, spending time at your home only in your childhood could lead towards introvert behaviour and laziness. Despite that, it will make you too comfortable in your own zone, which is not beneficial for a growing child. Interacting with others is vital for personal development.
For instance
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, when I was a kid, I always went outside to play
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
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sports
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 and make new friends. It helped
in
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apply
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boost my confidence to interact with strangers,
due to
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 which I landed my dream job of news anchor. Public speaking skill is important to learn, it benefits you in all different professions, whether you are an influencer or working in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 corporate sector. Another significant aspect to consider is physical
health
Use synonyms
. Any sort of
sports
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 will help you to be active. Physical
health
Use synonyms
 is
a
Rephrase
as
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 vital as mental
health
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. We eat a lot of junk food in our childhood, but if we do not have any physical activity in our routine, it might lead to more
health
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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. A recent survey done by CBC News in 2025
,
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apply
show examples
 indicates that adults
,
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apply
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 who played fewer
sports
Use synonyms
 in their childhood are more likely to get
health
Use synonyms
 issues
in the
Change preposition
at an
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 early age.
On the other hand
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, some might argue
,
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apply
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 that electronic devices make your child intelligent , and it is convenient for them to learn new skills.But using it in high volume is not beneficial for your child.
Therefore
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, utilising the latest technology is not bad , but depending on it too much is.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that today's generation needs to be less dependent on
any of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
electronic devices and should engage in physical activities.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea in each body part more clear. Start each part with one strong point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some links are good, but a few feel forced or repeated.
task achievement
Support your ideas with one clear example and explain it more. This will make your answer stronger.
task achievement
Answer the question in a more direct way in the body parts. Keep showing why you agree.
task achievement
Avoid ideas that are too broad, like jobs or all professions, unless you connect them clearly to children and sport.
task achievement
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the same view to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
task achievement
You use a personal example, which helps support your point.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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