IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that person should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others how ever believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give own opinion

In my opinion. People
their
Correct word order
send their children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 send to school.
This
Linking Words
 is a good idea, but many people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
call it a mistake
idea
Check wording
apply
show examples
. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they
went
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 money
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 why their
Children
Use synonyms
 join society
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 after
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
apply
show examples
working with society because they
went
Verb problem
earn
show examples
 money too.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 aren't working. Why
they aren't
Correct word order
aren't they
show examples
 working
because
Punctuation problem
? This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 work
temporary
Verb problem
is temporary
show examples
. That's why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 and learn new subjects after they use
knowledge
Correct determiner usage
their knowledge
show examples
 and they
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earn a lot of money
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is my own idea. In conclusion, now
children
Use synonyms
hard
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
study and learn a lot of subjects.

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task response
Answer both sides of the topic. Now you mostly give one side only.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way in the introduction and support it in the body.
task response
Add one or two simple examples to explain your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraph order: introduction, one side, other side, opinion, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, because, so, in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence carry one main idea. Now many sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You gave an opinion, and this is important for the task.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote a conclusion at the end.
task response
The essay stays on the general topic of children, school, and society.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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