IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing toenrol in work-based training instead of attending university.Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, the rise of more and more young
people
Use synonyms
 entering work-based training rather than going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 has brought both benefits and drawbacks.
Although
Linking Words
 young
people
Use synonyms
 can learn
a
Correct article usage
apply
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specific skills in work-based training, its drawbacks should not be overlooked.
Overall
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, I firmly believe its disadvantages are more significant. In
short
Correct article usage
the short
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term
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, enrolling in work-based training can alleviate
family’s
Correct article usage
the family’s
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 financial pressure. Generally, young
people
Use synonyms
 in work-based training will go to work
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
earlier than those in
the
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apply
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university
Use synonyms
. So
people
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 from
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 family usually choose the former.
For instance
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, young
people
Use synonyms
 can learn a specific skill in work-based training,
such
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 as how to repair the
air-condition
Replace the word
air-conditioning
, because of which they find a job easily and go to work just after they acquire a special skill.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
 in
university
Use synonyms
 learn more academic knowledge
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they need a long time to find out what they can do in the future. It will cost lots of money and time.
As a result
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,
people
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 want to earn money at
early
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an early
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 stage to reduce the family’s financial pressure
will
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and will
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 choose work-based training. But in
long
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the long
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term
Use synonyms
,
this
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 trend will lead the imbalance of talent structure in society. Because there are more basic
labour force
Check wording
labourers
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 than highly talented
people
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. And the proportion of different talented
people
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 can not match society’s requirements.
For example
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, AI
grows
Wrong verb form
has grown
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 rapidly in recent years
and
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, and
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 it has already replaced some easy jobs, but countries still need plenty of scientists to make
breakthrough point
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breakthroughs
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 in different fields,
such
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 as agriculture, economy, politic.
As a consequence
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, if more young
people
Use synonyms
 choose to enrol in work-based training
instead
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 of attending
university
Use synonyms
, it will damage the social operation. In conclusion,
although
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 going to work-based training may improve the financial levels of
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 in
short
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the short
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term
Use synonyms
, it will damage the social operation in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
term
Use synonyms
. It is important to strike a balance between entering
university
Use synonyms
 and enrolling work-base training in order to build
a
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an
show examples
 ideal social structure.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You say the bad side is stronger, but the good side needs a clearer explanation too.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear and direct main ideas at the start of each body part.
task response
Support each main point with one strong and clear example. Some examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
task response
Check that each sentence connects to the question about young people, training, and university.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You compare short-term and long-term effects, which helps your ideas feel organized.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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