IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that government should give priority to healthcare whereas others say that they should spend on other important priorities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Healthcare
Use synonyms
 issues are arising at a rapid rate throughout the globe;
as a result
Linking Words
, many masses
surpport
Correct your spelling
support
 the notion of offering adequate funding to
it
Punctuation problem
it,
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while
Linking Words
 others believe that there are several other sectors to consider for the same. Both of the ideas will be
captivated
Verb problem
discussed
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 in the forthcoming paragraphs
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with the conclusion
at the end
Linking Words
. People who support an idea of government should give priority to
healthcare
Use synonyms
 have plenty of reasons behind it. The foremost cause is its importance at the time of difficulty when the nations as a whole suffer from various
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
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 of health-related problems, because it is only the health sector
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 which provides remedies to the different types of health issues. To cite an example, in 2021, when the whole globe was suffering from Coronavirus, which drastically devastated the population of several countries, the medical sector was able to grasp the nettle of
this
Linking Words
 sort of hazardous ailment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the higher authorities should
prioritize the
Change the spelling
prioritise
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healthcare
Use synonyms
 by giving a sufficient amount of funding. When it comes to other sectors, like education
;
Punctuation problem
,
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this
Linking Words
 area needs to be focused on by the higher authorities, as there are numerous people in various developing countries who are suffering from problems like poverty and illiteracy, which can be overcome only if the legislation
will come
Wrong verb form
comes
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 forward to grasp the nettle by providing an
expedient
Correct word choice
adequate
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 amount of funds.
For example
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, in India, the government should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
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 funding in education so that poverty and illiteracy can be got rid of, as there are more than 82% civilians who reside below the poverty line.
Hence
Linking Words
, the government should invest in
such
Linking Words
 fields. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 investment in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 by the higher authorities is significant, the importance of other sectors cannot be neglected.
Thus
Linking Words
, Priority should be given to those fields
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 which demand more attention for a particular period of time.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about health and education, but your own view is not very clear until the end.
task response
Give a stronger opinion in the intro and support it in the body.
task response
Your ideas are relevant, but some are too general. Add one or two clear and real examples.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler linking words and make the line of thought easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Break them into shorter parts.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main task.
task response
You include examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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