IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, whileThe In some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages that government pays the mony outweigh the disadvantages?

For the past
half century
Correct your spelling
half-century
, the
education
Use synonyms
 system
changed
Verb problem
has changed
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
. In some countries, parents pay for
children's
Correct determiner usage
their children's
show examples
 college or
universities
Check wording
university
show examples
fees
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 in other
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 pay for them. There are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of advantages and disadvantages, but
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe the
government
Use synonyms
 should pay for
students
Use synonyms
, because there
a
Verb problem
are a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of talented
students
Use synonyms
 who do not have a financial opportunity. Nowadays, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 from
over
Correct determiner usage
all over
show examples
 the world do not have a chance to study in universities, because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most families do not have enough money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 pay college and
universities
Check wording
university
show examples
fees
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of countries
provide
Correct pronoun usage
that provide
show examples
 talented
students
Use synonyms
 with
fees
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Kazakhstan
Add a comma
Kazakhstan,
show examples
 we have a unique program, named Bolashak, which means the future
from
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 Kazakh language.
This
Linking Words
 program can provide all
fees
Use synonyms
 (
education
Use synonyms
, accommodation,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 the flight
fees
Use synonyms
). The main purpose of
this
Linking Words
 program is
help
Verb problem
to help
show examples
student
Check wording
students
show examples
 to get strong knowledge and use
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 after
Use synonyms
education
Correct determiner usage
their education
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 help to
students
Use synonyms
 with
education
Use synonyms
, families
could
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 not
worried
Wrong verb form
worry
show examples
 about it and
keep
Verb problem
could keep
show examples
 working without overthinking
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can impact their health and life.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 abroad can help
students
Use synonyms
 develop their social skills,
get
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 strong knowledge and
international
Verb problem
gain international
show examples
 experience. The main disadvantages
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that the
government
Use synonyms
should
Wrong verb form
has to
show examples
 pay a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can impact on governments budget.
However
Linking Words
, it is a great chance for all
students
Use synonyms
 who do not have a chance to study, especially abroad.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I think that the
government
Use synonyms
 should help finance
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
education
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can bring
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good knowledge and international experience to our country.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one more clear bad point, then explain why it is not as important as the good points.
task response
Develop each main idea with a short reason and a simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea only.
task response
You give a clear opinion that the government should pay for students.
task response
You include a real example about the Bolashak program.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: