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Writing Samples
Band 6

The central government, the city government and individuals should all be responsible for protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

It is widely acknowledged that both governments and
individuals
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 have a duty to protect the
environment
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.
While
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 some people contend that only governments have responsibility for it, I still maintain that
individuals
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 should take
a
Correct article usage
apply
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part with governments to protect every place. On the one hand,
individuals
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 and the
government
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 need collective effort to protect the ecosystem.
To begin
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 with, the population grows rapidly, and many forests are being overdeveloped, which may result in a loss of animal diversity.
Thus
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, the
government
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 should set laws to protect lands, so
thatlet
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that
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individuals
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 can follow these rules to keep a healthy
environment
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.
In addition
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, air quality may be influenced by people’s daily habits.
For example
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, their daily commute produces a lot of pollution in the air, which may threaten public health in the city.
Consequently
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,
individuals
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 have a responsibility to reduce pollution by choosing electrical car.
On the other hand
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, some might argue that people paying attention have a more limited effect than large-scale institutions.
However
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, the
government
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 can support
individuals
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'
actionsindividuals action
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actions
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 to become more effective.
For instance
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, they can provide the grants to help environmental groups or invite the experts to share their knowledge to public. When the
government
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 gives the right tools and methods to
individuals
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, their actions can be more effective.
Therefore
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, protecting the
environment
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 requires cooperation between the
government
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 and the people. In conclusion, even though it might be reasonable to argue that only the
government
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 needs to pay attention to protect the
environment
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, I still contend that working
together with
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individuals
Use synonyms
 can solve environmental problems in an efficient way
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and bring a clean
environment
Use synonyms
 to the next generation.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first paragraph. Say fully that you agree that all three should share this job.
task response
Add one more clear example for the city government. Now you talk about government in general, but not much about the city government.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more. Some points are good, but they need one more line to show how they help the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some are good, but a few sentences feel rushed or not fully joined.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so each idea is easy to follow. A few parts are hard to read because words are missing or joined badly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then support it with one example and one short result.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You include both sides and then show why you support shared duty.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'On the one hand', 'In addition', 'However', and 'Therefore'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • shared responsibility
  • enact
  • enforce
  • allocate
  • environmental laws
  • pollution control
  • recycling programs
  • waste management
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly practices
  • sustainable
  • comprehensive
  • public awareness campaigns
  • global warming
  • concerted efforts
  • biodiversity
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