Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that constructing more
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sport
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sports
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facilities
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only
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alone
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is sufficient to enhance the public,
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however
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however,
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other
people
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say that adopting
this
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measurement only is not enough.
While
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the first argument is not completely wrong, I firmly agree with the latter. On one hand, raising the number of sports
facilities
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can definitely have
positive
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a positive
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effect on the
overall
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public
health
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.
This
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is because having a gym nearby encourages
people
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to practice
sport
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regularly, without the need to travel across town or even to another city to attend
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sport
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sports
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classes.
Furthermore
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, investing in
this
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infrastructure is worthwhile, since
practicing
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practising
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sport
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on a daily basis is scientifically proven to prevent malicious diseases from developing
namely
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, namely
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;
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,
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heart attacks and other
brain fatal
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fatal brain
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conditions.
However
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, implementing
this
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procedure only assumes that the vast majority of
people
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is
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are
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already healthy, which is not even close to the truth.
Whereas
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increasing the number of
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sport
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sports
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facilities
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is only a piece of the puzzle, to
put in
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take into
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consideration all possibilities,
further
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actions have to be made. Focusing on perfecting the public
health
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system by building more hospitals and buying the latest
equipements
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equipment
,
as well as
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raising awareness of hazardous
habits
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habits,
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is a more
thourough
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thorough
solution.
This
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is because
while
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healthy
people
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can practice
sport
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, other
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people
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people,
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especially elders and patients with bone
fractures
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fractures,
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are unable to do it.
For example
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, patients who have cancer
they
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apply
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need more actual medical care than practicing
sport
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. In conclusion,
while
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building more
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sport
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sports
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facilities
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can be
benificial
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beneficial
for
people
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's
health
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, the complete solution is to invest more in other crucial areas
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such
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, such
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as the
health
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system itself and raise
health
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awareness.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about sports places well, but the other side needs more clear ideas too.
task response
Give your opinion in a more direct way in the body, not only in the introduction and the end.
task response
Use one or two more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make some ideas easier to follow. A few lines are hard to read because the sentence is too long.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'in contrast', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence and each part of the paragraph.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Most main points are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The overall order of ideas is clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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