IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that art (such as paintings, music, and literature) plays an important role in society, while others think it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

On
Change preposition
In
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 today’s world, there is an ongoing debate about whether
art
Use synonyms
 is an important factor for society or not. Some
people
Use synonyms
 contend that paintings and music are crucial as it represents their culture,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that it is a waste of time and money, and the authorities should focus on real-life issues.
This
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 essay will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
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 both the arguments, followed by my opinion.
To begin
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 with, imagining life without
art
Use synonyms
 and music is almost impossible as they
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
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 different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 of societies. Every country has its own music style, dressing style and many more, which provides diversity in
art
Use synonyms
 forms.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 defines the history of their country.
For example
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, many old paintings and sculptures
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
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 the lifestyle of human ancestors.
As a result
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, it helps to feel connected to the past. The other possible benefit of
art
Use synonyms
 is
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in tourism because many
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy exploring different cultures and
artforms
Correct your spelling
art forms
. Since visitors spend money on travelling and buying local products, the nations get
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to earn additional income. Alternatively, I believe that there are plenty of other concerns in
state
Correct article usage
the state
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, which should be given preference.
For instance
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, unemployment and poverty
, which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 lead to growing crime rates. As
people
Use synonyms
 are struggling with jobs, which
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
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 them to indulge in theft.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, healthcare and education are other major sectors that require the attention of the authorities. Many countries are unable to provide free education to students, and
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 infrastructure is very poor.
People
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 to wait for months to get the treatment.
Consequently
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, the government should solve real problems rather than
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
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 in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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. In conclusion,
although
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 play an important role in society, other sectors are more important to look after, as these are the fundamental requirements of
community
Correct article usage
the community
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.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your first body part is a bit stronger than the other side.
task response
Make your own view very clear from the start and keep it clear in all parts.
task response
Add one more clear and real example for the side you support.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few need fuller support and clearer detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Sometimes too many commas make the flow weak.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects smoothly to the next one.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to follow.
task response
You use examples like old paintings, tourism, jobs, health, and education.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical in most parts.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'To begin with', 'Moreover', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' help the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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