IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

Technology has had a profound impact on the ways
people
Use synonyms
 interact and build
relationships
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.
While
Linking Words
 these digital tools provide a constant connection,
this
Linking Words
 development has a negative influence on real-life bonds. On the bright side,
people
Use synonyms
 can always stay connected with their relatives or friends because of the development of technology. Technology has created a chance for
people
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 to call or text anytime and from anywhere whenever they want.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals are now able to share their current status with their intimates at all times.
For example
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,
people
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 who are depressed can share their burdens with their trusted person remotely. These all have a positive influence on developing the soul connection.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, real-life
relationships
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 are becoming extinct
due to
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 these advances.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 humans are spending less time
together with
Linking Words
 their kinsfolk compared to the past.
For example
Linking Words
, it can rarely be seen that children are playing games in the street with their friends or couples are hugging or kissing each other, which all strongly bond
relationships
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. The result of
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 is that youngsters are building more
relationships
Use synonyms
 online than in real life. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 online
relationships
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 enable constant connection, they often reduce the frequency of face-to-face interactions, potentially weakening real-life bonds.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential to maintain a balance between virtual communication and in-person
relationships
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say it is negative, but you need more about how technology changes relationships.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. Some ideas are good, but examples need to be more direct and more easy to believe.
task response
Develop each main point more. Add one more sentence to explain why online contact can weaken real life bonds.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, like 'On the bright side' and 'Nevertheless', but you can add more smooth linking between ideas inside paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are not fully clear, so make each point simpler and more direct.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you think this change is mostly negative.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and easy to follow.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
What to do next:
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