IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that humans are damaging seriously the environment. What are the causes? What should people do to solve this problem?

Many individuals think that humans have a harmful impact on
habitat
Correct article usage
the habitat
show examples
.
Initially
Linking Words
, wars,
wasting
Replace the word
waste
, and gas usage. These problems have a lot of solutions
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 essay includes everything about it. Nowadays
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 gas, oil and petrol are really popular,
therefore
Linking Words
 some countries have a huge storage of these energy
various
Use the right word
resources
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 America, Iran and Arabs.
However
Linking Words
, these sources are damaging nature. For
instan
Correct your spelling
instance
ce
Correct your spelling
Currently
, global warming is the biggest trouble of world
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 we can use different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of energy for transportation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as electric. Recently, scientists invented
electrical
Correct word choice
electric
show examples
 cars.
This
Linking Words
 invention is not only safe but
also
Linking Words
 cheap.
Secondly
Linking Words
, wars have a really critical factors for environment because countries are
waring
Use the right word
warring
show examples
 with bombs and nuclear weapons
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 some animals and seas can be
dirty
Wrong verb form
contaminated
show examples
. These pollutions
damaging
Verb problem
are damaging
show examples
 our planet.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 peace and some
benifical propagandas
Correct your spelling
beneficial propaganda
 can be a great
options
Fix the agreement mistake
option
show examples
 for
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Iran and Israil-America war
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a huge impact for seas and air,
although
Linking Words
 some
politics
Replace the word
political
 efforts.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
also
Linking Words
wasting
Replace the word
waste
 is
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 problem for
source
Correct article usage
the source
show examples
 of
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
.
water
Fix capitalization
Water
show examples
 and food
storages
Check wording
storage
show examples
 are limited
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 people use them really nounsence things.
For example
Linking Words
, some people
wasting
Wrong verb form
waste
show examples
 water
while
Linking Words
 brushing
teeth
Correct determiner usage
their teeth
show examples
 or washing
car
Correct determiner usage
their car
show examples
. When these tiny things
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 together,
We
Fix capitalization
we
show examples
 can notice
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
this
Linking Words
 problem
being a
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 important for our future. In my opinion, the government have to control usage amount for city by city, so I think
this
Linking Words
 is mandatory. In conclusion, I mentioned three issues ( gas, wars, wasting ) for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I wrote some solutions for these problems one by one.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say more about why each cause hurts the environment and how each solution can help.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader follow your plan.
coherence and cohesion
Add simple linking words like First, Also, As a result, and In conclusion. Do not overuse them.
task response
Give one clear example for each main point and explain it in one or two more sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check word form and sentence order because some lines are hard to understand.
task response
You answered both questions and gave causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used real world examples to support some ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: