The only reason why people work hard is to earn money and there is no other reason for doing so. To what degree do you support or oppose this idea?

Making more money is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
only fundamental reason for individuals to work hard, and there's no cause
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
doing so.
This
Linking Words
essay
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that increasing incomes
incentivize
Verb problem
are
show examples
significantly
for
Verb problem
incentivised for
show examples
a long time. In the past, people used to have an idea
of
Correct word choice
that
show examples
happiness is more crucial than boosting a salary, but
then
Linking Words
it
chaged
Use the right word
changed
show examples
when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
recognized
Change the spelling
recognised
show examples
that in order to have a happy life, individuals should earn more and more. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, if families earned
insufficant
Correct your spelling
insufficient
money to use, they would
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
struggle
of living
Wrong verb form
to live
show examples
their lives since they're no longer
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
have an extra expenditure, which may be their source of happiness,
for example
Linking Words
, they couldn't
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
something that they really want, causing them an unhappy feeling.
Thus
Linking Words
, the community nowadays tends to
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
on having a hardworking lifestyle to make more money, as it is their
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
incentives. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
essay
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that there is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
only
reason
Correct determiner usage
one reason
show examples
why individuals work hard
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is to scale up their salary, as it is their rewards of hardworking.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts of the task more clearly. Say if you fully agree, partly agree, or disagree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Add one more main idea. You now give only one reason about money. The task asks if money is the only reason, so you should also talk about other reasons for hard work.
task response
Use clearer examples. Your family example is related, but it is too general. Give one simple and direct example.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentence easy to follow. The first sentence has grammar problems, so the main idea is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Build each body paragraph with one clear point, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Good words are: first, also, for example, because, however, in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
Your essay stays on the general topic of work and money.
task response
You try to use an example about family life to support your idea.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • earn
  • money
  • work hard
  • basic needs
  • food
  • shelter
  • purpose
  • achievement
  • passions
  • art
  • science
  • fulfillment
  • satisfaction
  • contribute
  • motivate
  • efforts
  • society
  • success
  • career
  • goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: