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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The involvement of youth in crime is increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are reasons for this, and what are the effects?

News about the young commiting crimes seems to be more common nowadays.
This
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 news often keeps people wondering
:
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apply
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 why the younger generations seem to be involved in illicit affairs more than they used to. In
this
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 essay, the main reason for
this
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 and some plausible effects will be discussed. The main possible reason for
this
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 is, paradoxically, the advancement of technology. Undoubtedly, technology has been so beneficial to our lives. But it comes with a price, which is social media. Social media has shown us the stark contrast between social classes. To teenagers and even young adults,
those
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who still have not reached a certain level of maturity, are still constantly seeking for validations, which is detrimental. To some of them, the need to afford a luxury car, to post about their obnoxious lifestyle on the
Internet
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Internet,
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 has become a must, a proof to the world of their worth.
As a result
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, they voluntarily throw themselves into fraudulent companies, commit crimes just to make money and pose for pictures. With everything mentioned above, it is clearly a very sad reality. If the young, even the small group of them, continue to live recklessly like
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, they will waste their time, their potential , because they cannot see
a
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the
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 bigger picture of what really matters. And even worse, if
this
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 lifestyle becomes more common, it may cause a stagnation in the growth of the whole society, as the young have always
been playing
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played
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 a vital role in the workforce. In the end, when youngsters
finally
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 snap out of the sad reality, some of them can stand up and rebuild their whole life again, but unfortunately, some tragically cannot.
To conclude
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, young generations today are under a lot of "false" pressures to prove their financial status on social media.
This
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 tangible cause can make them commit crimes to get more money. The consequences of
this
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 issue are undeniably devastating, not to any individual specifically, but
also
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 to society as a whole.

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task response
For task response: You answer both parts of the question, but your essay gives only one main reason. Add one more reason, like poor family care, bad friends, or lack of jobs, to make your answer more full.
task response
For task response: Your main idea is clear, but some parts are too general. Explain more clearly how social media leads young people step by step into crime.
task response
For task response: Add a more real and clear example. For instance, say what kind of crime some young people may do, such as online scams or theft, and how this harms others.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some long sentences are hard to follow. Make them shorter to help the reader.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some linking is good, like 'As a result' and 'To conclude'. Still, you can use clearer links between ideas, such as 'First', 'Another reason', 'One effect', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some ideas need more support. In paragraph 2, the point about status and crime is interesting, but it needs one more sentence to show the connection more clearly.
task response
For task response: You answer both questions: the reason and the effects. This is a strong point.
task response
For task response: Your main position is clear. You say social media pressure is a key reason, and you explain two effects on young people and society.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay is easy to see in parts: introduction, body, and conclusion. This gives your writing a clear shape.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: You use some good linking words, such as 'As a result', 'With everything mentioned above', and 'To conclude'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental supervision
  • misguided behavior
  • peer pressure
  • economic factors
  • poverty
  • unemployment
  • media influence
  • desensitization
  • educational system
  • disenfranchisement
  • substance abuse
  • victims
  • psychological trauma
  • imprisonment
  • future prospects
  • societal impacts
  • community cohesion
  • policing
  • justice systems
What to do next:
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