IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults while others say children should stay at their parent's house as long as possible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, it is often discussed whether children should leave their families home ones they become old enough, or remain
at
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in
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 the same home for the rest of their lives.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 of
views
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view
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, and explain why
i
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I
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 strongly agree with the former point. Some people might argue that children should stay with their
parents
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 for the longest time because it deepens the bond between family members.
Moreover
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, children will be able to take care of their
parents
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 when they need them, and vice versa.
However
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, I personally think that the negative effects of
this
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 are much more than the positive ones. Young individuals who stay with their families often become too reliant on their
parents
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.
Consequently
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, they do not develop any life skills that are crucial for them to learn in order to build families of their own. Other people would say that young people should leave their old homes when they become mature, and I completely agree with them. It is beneficial for the offspring to move out because it builds their
characters
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character
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 and teaches them to be independent. They can develop skills like money and time management, cooking, or even leadership.
For example
Linking Words
, 3 months of living alone can give you more life lessons and skills than 3 years of living with your family. In conclusion, one segment of society
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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 young adults must live independently from their
parents
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 because it develops their character. The other segment
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
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parents
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 and their offspring to live together for the longest for the benefit of family relationships and support. From my perspective, we should encourage the young generation to move out as soon as possible.

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task response
For task response, answer both sides in a more equal way. The first side is shorter than the second side.
task response
For task response, add one more clear and real example to support your ideas.
task response
For task response, explain your opinion a little more in the conclusion or body.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, fix small grammar and word form mistakes because they can make your ideas less clear.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use linking words carefully, such as 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each body paragraph follow one clear pattern: main idea, explanation, example.
task response
For task response, you answered both views and gave a clear opinion.
task response
For task response, your ideas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most ideas move in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • financial responsibility
  • personal growth
  • life skills
  • household maintenance
  • emotional regulation
  • social skills
  • financial stability
  • supportive family environment
  • cultural expectations
  • familial duty
  • sense of security
What to do next:
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