IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are not doing enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to solve it?

In many countries, a growing number of
people
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 are leading sedentary lifestyles and not engaging in sufficient physical
exercise
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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 issue and suggest possible solutions. One of the primary reasons for the lack of physical activity is the modern lifestyle. Many
people
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 spend long hours working in offices, sitting in front of computers for most of the day. After work, they often feel too tired to
exercise
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.
In addition
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, the increasing use of technology,
such
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 as smartphones and video games, has reduced the need for physical movement, especially among young
people
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. Another contributing factor is the lack of accessible sports facilities or safe outdoor spaces. In some urban areas, parks and gyms are either too expensive or not available, which discourages
people
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 from exercising regularly. To address
this
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 problem, governments and individuals must take action.
Firstly
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, governments should invest in public sports facilities,
such
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 as parks, walking tracks, and affordable gyms, to encourage physical activity.
Secondly
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, workplaces could promote
exercise
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 by offering flexible working hours or
organizing
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organising
show examples
 fitness programs for employees. In conclusion, the main causes of insufficient
exercise
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 are modern sedentary lifestyles and limited access to facilities.
However
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, with proper government support and individual effort,
this
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 issue can be effectively addressed.

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task response
For task response, answer both parts a bit more fully. You explain the causes well, but the solutions part is shorter.
task response
For task response, add one or two clear real-life examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more clear.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow, with a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use a few more linking words to show steps between ideas, but do not use too many.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, develop each main point more. Some ideas are good but a little short.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical and easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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