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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. Which approach do you think has more advantages? Are there any disadvantages to children having a school uniform?

In the contemporary era, some schools make it mandatory to wear
uniforms
Use synonyms
 and follow appearance rules,
while
Linking Words
 others allow informal clothes.
Although
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 they have some pros, I contend that school
uniforms
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 promote equality in a classroom and reduce financial burden on
parents
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.
To begin
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 with, there are some benefits of introducing
uniforms
Use synonyms
 in the schools
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Firstly
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,
this
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 notion can stimulate equality.
This
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 is because
students
Use synonyms
 usually belong to different socio-economic backgrounds, which some of them can afford branded and expensive clothings,
while
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 others cannot.
Therefore
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,
uniforms
Use synonyms
 can reduce social differences and make
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
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 environment more friendly. To illustrate, some children can afford Puma brand shoes and others may
stuggle
Use the right word
struggle
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 to buy a local
branded
Replace the word
brand
.
This
Linking Words
 can create divisions among them
according to
Linking Words
 their appearances.
Secondly
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,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon can mitigate a significant burden on
parents
Use synonyms
. Formal attires are normally less expensive
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then
Use the right word
than
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 regular ones, and
while
Linking Words
 fashion
trend
Correct subject-verb agreement
trends
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 of clothes usually change almost every year,
uniforms
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 remain
same
Correct article usage
the same
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.
This
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 can tend to save
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 hard-earned money.
However
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, one of the main disadvantages is
limit
Wrong verb form
limiting
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 the
students
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' creativity.
This
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 is because they cannot try
and
Correct word choice
to
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 mix the clothes
according to
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 their personal preferences, leading to
create
Verb problem
apply
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frustration and
pessimistic
Replace the word
pessimism
 among them.
For example
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, numerous studies show that
students
Use synonyms
 cannot get an opportunity to experience shopping at an early age
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can limit their sense of imagination and awareness of trends.
To conclude
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, even though having
uniforms
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 can hinder the
students
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' imagination, which is the drawback of
this
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 scenario, I contend that
this
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 can bring a number of benefits for both learners and
students
Use synonyms
. Ultimately,
uniforms
Use synonyms
 can mitigate inequality and save
parents
Use synonyms
' money.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. You say the strict uniform way has more good points, and you also give one bad point. This is good, but your opinion can be even clearer in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader follow your answer more easily.
task response
Support your examples in a more natural way. Some examples are a bit general or not fully clear, so they do not add strong support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. You use some good ones, but a few sentences feel long or not well joined.
task response
Develop the disadvantage more. You mention loss of creativity, but this point needs a fuller explanation and a clearer result.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas more clearly. In some places, the sentence order can be smoother so the paragraph has one clear path.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion that uniforms have more good points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You include reasons such as equality and lower cost, which are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • school uniform
  • strict rules
  • relaxed dress code
  • appearance
  • pupils
  • sense of group
  • school spirit
  • feel equal
  • rich and poor
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • self-expression
  • personal style
  • focus on study
  • save time
  • look neat
  • show respect
  • fairness
  • belonging
  • freedom of choice
  • cultural identity
  • religious needs
  • special items
  • high cost
  • comfortable clothes
  • weather needs
  • middle way
  • clear rules
  • too hard
  • more advantages
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