IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that students should be required to wear school uniforms, while others believe they should have the freedom to choose what they wear. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying that institutions should consider requiring
students
Use synonyms
 to wear
uniform
Check wording
uniforms
show examples
. Some people believe that choosing
school
Use synonyms
 uniforms as a better policy, compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free choice clothing. As far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree that learners should wear
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different clothes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the reason will be thoroughly explained as follows.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, not all
students
Use synonyms
 have a great fashion
style
Check wording
sense
show examples
, so some groups of people will be treated unfairly if institutions
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
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 to apply a rule on
school
Use synonyms
 uniforms.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, those who
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have
capability
Correct article usage
the capability
show examples
 to buy a good shirt
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will be bullied .
For example
Linking Words
, my friend
did
Verb problem
was
show examples
 not really passionate about his fashion style since he was a child.
However
Linking Words
, when he entered a high
school
Use synonyms
, which allows
students
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wearing
Wrong verb form
to wear
show examples
 anything they want, he became confused and randomly choose unmatching clothes.
As a result
Linking Words
, he got bullied and lost his confidence. It is widely accepted that uniform represented an equality;
therefore
Linking Words
, there is a significant risk
may
Correct word choice
that may
show examples
 appear in pupil resources in the future.
According to
Linking Words
 the data took in my
school
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, most
of academical
Check wording
academic students
show examples
 experienced a massive fashion competition with each other
due to
Linking Words
regulation
Correct article usage
the regulation
show examples
 of free style shirt rather than pursuing
academical
Replace the word
academic
 results.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
students
Use synonyms
 who using same customs in the
school
Use synonyms
 tend to compete with their academic scores and
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 no problem in equality aspects. In conclusion, based
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the phenomenon, the institutions should applying a same dress for the sake of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality among the
students
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. Say in a direct way that you disagree with free choice of clothes and support school uniform.
task response
Give one more clear reason for your view. Now you mainly talk about bullying and equal life, but the second idea is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Explain your ideas more step by step. Some parts are hard to follow because the meaning changes too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words like 'therefore' and 'on the other hand' should match the idea before and after them.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more direct. Start each body part with one clear point, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
Check sentence form and word choice because some lines stop the reader from understanding your point clearly.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear side. You say that you disagree with free choice of clothes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a full shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You use an example about your friend, and this helps support your first main point.
coherence and cohesion
You try to connect ideas with words like 'To begin with' and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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