IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents believe that beating or spanking is a good way to discipline their children. To what extent do you agree?

Certain demographics of society believe that beatin gup their kid
the
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is the
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 best idea of keeping them disciplined. These people claim that smacking their child will result in getting better control over them. I strongly argue
why
Correct word choice
that
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 physically punishing young
kid
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kids
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 is completely unacceptable.
In
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On
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 one hand, some family argue that by spanking their juveniles, they can teach them to behave in a positive manner. They think that there is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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only
way
Correct determiner usage
one way
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method
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apply
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to tackle their tantrums. They are justifiably worried about their little
one
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one's
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 future and behaviour, which
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 them to use the traditional method of upbringing by smacking them.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey in 2012, more than 70% of Americans agreed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it is sometimes necessary to discipline a child with a good, hard spanking. These perceptions of
mother
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mothers
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 bolstered the inappropriate action of raising their
kiddie
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children
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 by flogging them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , I would argue that spanking people in order to teach them manners is not an appropriate solution. Young adults spanked frequently and severely are at a higher risk for mental problems, ranging from anxiety and depression to alcohol and drug abuse.
For instance
Linking Words
,
birth
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a child
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 whose father hit them regularly may effect develop more distant parent-child relationships later on. There is robust evidence of an increased incidence of aggression among people who are regularly spanked. In conclusion, I argued that parents who smack their children have a flawed understanding of their child's upbringing. In my opinion, I completely disagree with physical violence on children to make them disciplined
,
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;
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 love and affection help them to grow and become a better version of themselves.

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task response
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. You say your view, but some parts are not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main ideas easier to follow. Each body paragraph should have one clear main point.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to understand. Some example lines are not well explained.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and therefore.
task response
Check sentence meaning carefully. Some sentences are hard to understand, so your ideas lose force.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one short reason and one clear example.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both sides before giving your final view.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches your main opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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