IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates key information about the employment patterns in the United
State
Check wording
States
show examples
 from 1930 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the highest employment patterns in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 sixteen years
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 farming, fishing, and
foresting
Replace the word
forestry
,
whereas
Linking Words
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 ten years of
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest. In other hand, Other services
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest in the
last
Linking Words
 twenty years. Looking at the details, we can notice that farming, fishing, and foresting was sharply
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 in all
Use synonyms
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods,
show examples
 starting at approximately 75 in 1930, ending at 3 in 2010,
while
Linking Words
industrial
Replace the word
industry
 was the lowest from 1940 to 1960 at just
unde
Correct your spelling
under
 2, after that it gradually grew from 1960 to
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 at 5, 37, respectively. In terms of
others
Check wording
others'
show examples
 employment patterns, technical was slightly rose from 1930 to 1980 at just over 1 to 5,
while
Linking Words
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
Use synonyms
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gradually peaked until around 30 in 2010. As
regard
Replace the word
regards
 sales and office, it was a fluctuation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment patterns
  • industrial sector
  • agricultural sector
  • service sector
  • figures
  • percentages
  • trends
  • decreasing trend
  • increasing trend
  • significant growth
  • considerable decline
  • expansion
  • analyze
  • observations
  • key periods
  • transitions
  • conclusion
  • economy
  • shifted focus
What to do next:
Look at other essays: