IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

it
Fix capitalization
It
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 is often argued that everyone
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 young
Use synonyms
people
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people,
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 should save
money
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 for their future in order to provide an appropriate life for the individual and
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 family. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument, and
specially
Use the right word
especially
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 the fact that it
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 young
people
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 since it will build
the
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apply
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self-awareness among them. One important reason why everyone
including
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, including
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 young
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people
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people,
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 should save
money
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 for their future is to build the mindset of responsibility regarding
money
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. These days, young
people
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 are not familiar
on
Change preposition
with
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 how
elder
Correct word choice
older
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people
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 get their
money
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, so they usually spend it everywhere with less
self awareness
Correct your spelling
self-awareness
.
Furthermore
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,
elder
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older
show examples
people
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 should educate and give some advice to the young
people
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 to save their
money
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 for the
needed time
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future
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, parents should teach their children the mindset of saving
money
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 for the worst day, and give them some examples of
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 that the family have gone through by saving
money
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. Another important reason is to purchase some expensive
needed
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items needed
show examples
stuff
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apply
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. Almost everyone, especially younger
people
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 have their needs, and some of these needs are relatively expensive to get without saving
money
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 over a given period of time.
Moreover
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, these needs will generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ideas among
people
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 on saving
money
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.
For example
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, purchasing a car nowadays could be done either with a
lone
Use the right word
loan
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 or by cash
,
Punctuation problem
. Instead
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instead
Linking Words
 of getting a huge
lone
Use the right word
loan
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 from the bank, the individual could save the target during a given period of saving
money
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 without the need
of the
Change preposition
for a
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 bank.
This
Linking Words
 indicates that saving
money
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 is very important because it could provide some needed and required daily stuff. In conclusion, I believe that saving
money
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 is
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 important point these days between the young and
elder
Replace the word
elderly
people
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 as well, because it
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 high awareness to young
people
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, and it
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 a chance to purchase
high expensive
Correct your spelling
high-expensive
 stuff.

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task response
Write your main idea in a more direct way in each body paragraph.
task response
Add one more clear example to make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Explain how each example supports your opinion in a simple final sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'because', 'so', 'for example', and 'therefore' in a careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words or wrong word choice because this can break the flow of ideas.
task response
You answer the question clearly and you give your opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
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