In many countries women and men are working full time. It is therefore, logical for women and men to share household works. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadys
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, many aspects of life have changed compared to the past, and
one
Use synonyms
of the most influential changes is the rise of lifestyle.
Hence
Linking Words
, males and females need
working full time
Wrong verb form
to work full-time
show examples
.
Thus
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, some people believe
to share
Change preposition
in sharing
show examples
household
Use synonyms
works
Check wording
work
show examples
. I tend to agree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
opinion.
This
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essay will discuss my point of view.
To begin
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with, in the past, the role of men
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
working,
while
Linking Words
the role of
women
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
doing
housework
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.
In other words
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, every
one
Use synonyms
have some tasks
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, men do outdoor
because
Check wording
work because
show examples
it
usually
Verb problem
is usually
show examples
harder than indoor
either
Check wording
work, either
show examples
safe
Replace the word
safer
or
other
Change preposition
on the other
show examples
sides
Check wording
side
show examples
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand, these days, with technology and more facilities like transport,
Use synonyms
works
Check wording
work
show examples
could
easier
Verb problem
be easier
show examples
than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past.
so
Fix capitalization
So
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, it is helping
women
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to
work
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. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
that,
housework
Use synonyms
should be shared between them.
For example
Linking Words
, every
one
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take some
housework
Use synonyms
. Another point to consider, since they both
work
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, if
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
are not shared, they will not be able to continue living together because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
one
Use synonyms
of them will
be
Verb problem
have to
show examples
work
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more than the other.
For instance
Linking Words
, some studies show statistics about
this
Linking Words
issue that in Saudi
Arebia
Correct your spelling
Arabia
, 60 % of
women
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
Use synonyms
can not continue with their husband
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and these studies mentioned to main causes of
this
Linking Words
problem
that is
Linking Words
not shared
housework
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. By way of conclusion,
this
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essay focuses on
it should share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
household
Use synonyms
works
Check wording
work
show examples
between men and
women
Use synonyms
if both have
Use synonyms
works
Check wording
work
show examples
. To, life is
cooperation
Correct article usage
a cooperation
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between membership of
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
. And when both have
work
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that will help
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
finance.

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task response
Give a more clear answer to the question in the first part. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in a direct way.
task response
Add more clear main ideas. Each body part should have one main point and then explain it well.
task response
Use a more clear example. The example about Saudi Arabia is not easy to trust because it is not explained well.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more smooth. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to another.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, because, so, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the words are not in a clear order.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both work and housework.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is mostly clear: you agree that housework should be shared.
task response
You try to use an example to support your idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work
  • share
  • household
  • tasks
  • partners
  • income
  • chore
  • cooking
  • cleaning
  • relationship
  • balance
  • stress
  • teamwork
  • example
  • children
  • fairness
  • cooperation
  • traditional
  • society
  • common
  • accepted
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