In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

In
this
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modern world, the method of paying for
transaction
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transactions
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is gradually changing from cash to
smart phones
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smartphones
, but what are the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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tendency? In
this
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essay, I will discuss both positive and negative aspects and give my opinion. On the one hand, the benefits of non-cash
paying
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payment
tools must be mentioned. In the modern generation, there is no doubt that technologies have comprehensively changed our
life
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lives
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;
this
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includs
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includes
the way of completing daily payments,
such
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as water
bill
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bills
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, fines or train tickets.
For example
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, in the past, if people
would like
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wanted
show examples
to buy a train ticket, the only way they could do is just to walk in to train station. It was really inconvenient
for living
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to live
show examples
in
the
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an
show examples
era without the internet. Today, we can
luckly
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luckily
embrace modern technologies and enjoy convenience.
On the other hand
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, the online payment has its drawbacks that
shuld
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should
be considered. Nowadays, it has been
proved
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proven
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that the financial system may possibly be
attacted
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attacked
by
hacker
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hackers
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; to be more specific, the hackers can easily impact
the
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apply
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society just by
controling
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controlling
the financial system.
This
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can be the major concern in modern society, as everything is connected with
internet
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the internet
show examples
;
in other words
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, our
privicy
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privacy
is exposed
under
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to
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dangers at
anytime
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any time
.
As a consequence
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, people should be careful
of
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when
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paying by card or eftpot. In conclusion, the non-cash world is attractive and convenient
,
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;
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however
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, both
government
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the government
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and
general
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the general
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public should
establish the
Verb problem
raise
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awareness of paying by
mibile
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mobile
phone or any online payment.

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task response
Answer the task more directly. You ask about both sides, but the task asks if there are more good points or more bad points. State your view clearly and keep it clear in all parts.
task response
Add one or two more clear ideas for each side. Right now, your points are quite general.
task response
Use more specific examples. The train ticket example is useful, but the bad side also needs a real and clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. This will help the reader see your point at once.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
What to do next:
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