IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that all zoos should be closed, while others feel that zoos have a positive impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is an ongoing debate regarding the
survivial
Correct your spelling
survival
 of the
zoos
Use synonyms
. The group of individuals believe that it is extremely essential to close the
zoos
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
zoos
Use synonyms
 bring a wide range of benefits.
Linking Words
therefore
Fix capitalization
Therefore
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,
a head of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion, I partially disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint.
Examing
Correct your spelling
Examining
 the former opinion, opponents of
zoos
Use synonyms
 claim that keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in
capitivity
Correct your spelling
captivity
 is unethical. Wild
animals
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 are often confined to small enclosures that cannot replicate their natural habitats, which can lead to stress and abnormal
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 illustrate, wildlife like elephants and tigers require
wast
Correct your spelling
vast
 territories to roam that
zoos
Use synonyms
 cannot fully provide.
In addition
Linking Words
, some
zoos
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 are unable to
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 profit over
Use synonyms
animals
Check wording
animal
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 welfare, leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of living conditions and care. Thereby, it is more humane to protect
animals
Use synonyms
 in their natural environments rather than keep them in tight cages.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, those in the latter opinion have their own
argurements
Correct your spelling
arguments
.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 begin with, they claim that
zoos
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 prevent the extinction of endangered
animals
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. Particularly, there are several rare
species
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are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 hunted, which makes them gradually disappear
over
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the world.
This
Linking Words
 emphasises that thanks to zoo reservation
keeping
Punctuation problem
, keeping
show examples
 endangered
species
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 from extinction and maintaining the
diverse
Replace the word
diversity
 of
species
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the appearance of
zoos
Use synonyms
 can serve as a great way to broaden students'
Use synonyms
animals world knowledges
Correct word order
knowledge of the animal world
show examples
. To demonstrate, it is
genuiely
Correct your spelling
genuinely
 vital for
leaners
Use the right word
learners
show examples
 to visit animal exhibitions that inspire them about environmental protection and biological lessons. From my point of view,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 open the way to protect endangered
species
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 and improve biological awareness.
Also
Linking Words
, some
zoos
Use synonyms
 must be closed because of their illegal
capitivity
Correct your spelling
captivity
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 and offer my position, there are convincing
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 both for and against. It is crucial to maintain and build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
, but the illegal hunting and keeping them in stalls is not moral
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wild
species
Use synonyms
' mental
.
Check wording
health.
show examples

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is there, but it is a bit unclear.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the first paragraph and keep it the same in the end.
task response
Use more clear and full ideas. Some points are good, but some are hard to understand.
task response
Give one or two more real and clear examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used, but some are not used well. Check words like 'therefore', 'on the contrary', and 'also'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea. The third paragraph has your opinion and also a point about bad zoos, so it feels mixed.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because some parts break the flow and make meaning less clear.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
task response
You include examples such as elephants, tigers, and endangered animals.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • breeding programs
  • wildlife reserves
  • animal behavior
  • psychological stress
  • ethical considerations
  • captivity
  • moral questions
  • animal welfare
  • educational resources
  • community engagement
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • sanctuaries
  • natural habitats
  • virtual reality
  • digital platforms
  • exploitation
  • neglect
What to do next:
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