IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people are not fit and active as before. These will have negative effect in the future health. What are the reasons and solutions to this issue?

Fitness
Correct article usage
The fitness
show examples
 of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 is facing huge
risk
Check wording
risks
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due to
Linking Words
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle, including unhealthy
diet
Use synonyms
 and reduced
body activities
Check wording
physical activity
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. I strongly believe that
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 factors contribute in reduction of
Correct article usage
the population
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population
Check wording
population's
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 level of body fitness.
To begin
Linking Words
 with unbalanced
diet
Use synonyms
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 tend to eat much more fast food than in the past years.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 schedule, people use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology to order
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast food .
This
Linking Words
 improvement of
application
Correct article usage
the application
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 makes the consumption of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quick prepared meals, more easier by
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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 the customer
full
Change preposition
with full
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 access to the restaurant's menu
in addition
Linking Words
 to the flexibility
to the
Change preposition
for
show examples
 users to
ordering any time
Wrong verb form
order anytime
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 and anywhere.
This
Linking Words
diet
Use synonyms
lack of
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
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 fresh ingredients that
fall of fiber
Verb problem
are high in fibre
show examples
, high
protein
Change preposition
in protein
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, and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balanced
carbs
Change preposition
in carbs
show examples
.In
long-term
Correct determiner usage
the long term
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
advise
Replace the word
advice on
 eating habits has proven to be linked with heart disease, diabetes, and high cholesterol
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
,
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal life span of a human.
Moreover
Linking Words
, technical development play key
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
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 in transportation,
therefore
Linking Words
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 depend on automated cars to reach their destinations
instead
Linking Words
 of walking and using traditional bicycles, causing insufficient physical efforts that raise
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
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 rate in the population. The solution to
this
Linking Words
 concern says that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government should take Substantial steps to control
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the citizen
diet
Use synonyms
 by
increase the
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 public awareness about the importance of
health
Replace the word
healthy
 eating choices to avoid the health related complication throughout public
publtished
Correct your spelling
published
 campaigns.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 impose tax on the private vehicles via
rising
Verb problem
raising
show examples
 the
patrol
Use the right word
petrol
show examples
 price and motivate the community to walk at least 10,000 steps daily to increase the fitness level and protect their general well-being against overweight consequences.In conclusion, monitoring
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 body activities and build balance
diet
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to fight
this
Linking Words
 lazy life button

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: reasons and solutions.
task response
Make each main idea simple and full.
task response
Use one clear example for each main point.
coherence cohesion
Put ideas in a better order from start to end.
coherence cohesion
Use short linking words like first, also, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Keep one main idea in one paragraph.
task response
You answered the topic and gave reasons and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You used some cause and effect ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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