IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

people belive that nowdays we have too many choices, to extent agree or disagree

In modern life, most people think that we have so many options. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 sentence. On the one hand, we are
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggling
show examples
 to buy something
due to
Linking Words
 the variety of products.
Moreover
Linking Words
, technology helps to generate websites for online shopping, which
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 options for
human
Check wording
humans
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, someone who decides to change his car
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 he confuses with many cars
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
, it will take time to buy it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, because
multiple
Verb problem
there are multiple
show examples
 universities and majors in education, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students struggle to decide their passion.
In addition
Linking Words
, some students
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 they
choose
Wrong verb form
have chosen
show examples
 the wrong path. For that, they
force
Wrong verb form
are forced
show examples
 to shift their major.
For example
Linking Words
, research shows that 40% of students
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 that they didn’t
with
Verb problem
choose
show examples
 their career. In conclusion, modern humans struggle to choose the right product.
Besides
Linking Words
, how to
decide
Verb problem
make
show examples
 the right decision
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education and jobs.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say why you agree, not only that you agree.
task response
Add one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it more.
task response
Use better examples. Your car example is clear, but the study example is not clear enough.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, explain, example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'in conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some parts are hard to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
You use two body paragraphs, so your essay has a basic plan.
task response
You include examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have a conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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