IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The following table shows the number of factory workers for a given time period in Germany. Report the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
factory
Use synonyms
 employees in 6
years
Use synonyms
 ( 1851, 1861, 1871, 1881, 1891, 1901 ). Not only
Use synonyms
numbers
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of
years
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 it
is including
Wrong verb form
includes
show examples
factory
Use synonyms
numbers
Use synonyms
 and
portion
Check wording
the proportion of workers
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 of 2 different genders
of workers
Check wording
apply
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, and
total
Correct article usage
the total
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human
Check wording
number of humans
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numbers
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Check wording
the number of men
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 and women
decreasing
Verb problem
is decreasing
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constently
Correct your spelling
consistently
year
Use synonyms
 by
year
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
therefore
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 total
number
Use synonyms
 of people in
Use synonyms
factory
Correct article usage
the factory
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 is going down
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 from 1851 to 1901.
In contrast
Linking Words
, factories are
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 popular
year
Use synonyms
 by
year
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, male employees
287,000
Verb problem
are 287,000
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 female
ration
Use the right word
ratio
show examples
 is 190,000 ( almost 200,000 ).
However
Linking Words
,
Check wording
the number of
show examples
male workers
going
Verb problem
apply
show examples
dropped to 131.780, so it means
this
Linking Words
 difference is half of
first
Correct article usage
the first
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number
Use synonyms
 in 1861.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 side plummeted, but
this
Linking Words
 decrease has a really small fraction in the same
year
Use synonyms
. 1871 and 1881
Use synonyms
years
Check wording
apply
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are in the middle of the graph.
these
Fix capitalization
These
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 informing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80,123, and 76,132 for
male
Correct article usage
the male
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 side.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of females are 60,000 and 50,000 in 1871 and 1881
Check wording
apply
show examples
years
Use synonyms
. The
factory
Use synonyms
 portion is the top of the graph in 1881.
Finally
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
at the
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 end of
1870s
Correct article usage
the 1870s
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the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 total
workers
Check wording
number of workers
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 nearly 100,000
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 105,000 in
although
Linking Words
, the
factory
Use synonyms
 ration is downward to 625 from 721,
so it
Correct word choice
this
show examples
 means approximately 100
hundred
Check wording
apply
show examples
. The beggining of the 1900s, the
datas
Correct your spelling
data
 are
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 lowest level for males and females
according with
Punctuation problem
. According to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 total
number
Use synonyms
 is very low if comparing with other
years
Use synonyms
 ( 61,000 ).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, factory, years, numbers, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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