IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think too much attention and too many resources are given to protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Due to
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 industrial greed, humans are encroaching
and
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on and
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 fracturing wild animals’ habitats, leaving migratory species with nowhere to turn and gradually becoming extinct.
As a result
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, conservationists and the government are intensifying efforts to secure ecological balance.
However
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, the debate on whether people are overreacting and wasting resources on the protection of nature is still ongoing. I firmly disagree with
this
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 stance and will state my reasons in
this
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 essay. First and foremost, wild animals and birds play a pivotal role in balancing our ecosystem through natural processes
such
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 as pollination and seed dispersal.
For instance
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, many flying species are responsible for regenerating forests by spreading
fruits’
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fruit
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 seeds over vast distances, which maintain sources of oxygen and cooling for humans. Without their help, the cycle would collapse
and
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, and
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 humanity
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 face environmental disasters which will cost much more than the current conservation programs. Of equal importance, copious species are essential for medical research and the development of life-saving drugs. To illustrate, the similarities between humans and certain animals allow experimentalists to use mice to test the safety and efficiency of treatments before they are approved for human use.
Furthermore
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, the venoms of some vipers are the remedies
to
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for
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 curing cardiovascular problems and cancers
proving
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, proving
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 that losing these creatures
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 losing the chance for future medical breakthroughs. In conclusion, animals and birds are an important part of the ecosystem. They engage in natural balancing processes that help maintain our life cycle
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as
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, as
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 well as participate in health research
which
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, which
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sustain
Correct subject-verb agreement
sustains
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 medication outcomes. If we cease conservation efforts, the resulting damage would be irreversible, including higher costs than the protection measures themselves.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You say you disagree, but you do not explain enough why some people think too much money is used.
task response
Add one more direct idea about why animal protection helps people now, not only in the future.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and easy to trust. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not smooth. Use simple linking words in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are too long. Split them into shorter parts so your meaning is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one very clear main idea sentence.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays the same to the end.
task response
You give two main reasons and both are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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