IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Social
media
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 nowadays has been commonly used all over the world
,
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;
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 no one can neglect its importance that has been brought to us since the day it launched. But, if we just took a moment to think about what is actually happening in our lives
due to
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 the existence of social
media
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, we
will
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would
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 find out that we've been away from real
life
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 most of the time, even scrolling on TikTok or Facebook or just playing games on the phone. Back in the day, when social
media
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 did not exist, we used to always have face-to-face interactions with
people
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,
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;
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 we were able to meet our friends, families or even our loved ones. Nowadays, we just text them on the phone, and of course,
this
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 matter comes with a lot of disadvantages. So, let's talk about the disadvantages that social
media
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 has caused
to
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in
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 our lives. 1- Social
media
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 is slowly destroying your brain, causing you to experience a shortage in your attention span, memory problems, and
also
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 leading to insomnia. 2- There is something called dopamine sensitivity in your brain. Social
media
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 works on desensitising it. When you watch shorts on YouTube or reels on Instagram, you unawarely triggers the curiosity for what might be in the next reel, so you just scroll endlessly, trying to find a good reel that can actually increase the dopamine in your brain 3- By what we have talked about in point number 3, You are definetly doing less effort for more reward, which is the major problem the social
media
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 could cause to you, that makes you a lazy person in your
life
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, not being able to acheive anything you want, and you will find it difficult to do
such
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 boring things that could actually result in big progress in your
life
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such
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 as reading, learning a new skill or even trying to learn a language. I see that the advantage of the social
media
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 is far less valuable than its disadvantages, if we would talk about the advantages of the social
media
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, of course everybody knows that its almost the main reason why
people
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 find it easy to make money just by having a phone and internet, or you could even do personal branding for yourself online and sell your skills. In my opinion, I see that
people
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 should be more aware of how often they use social
media
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 in their lives, not to prevent it altogether, but at least to monitor their screen time and have more time for face-to-face interactions, so
people
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 can live a happy
life
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 ever after.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say if the good points are more or the bad points are more, and keep this idea clear from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Write in essay style, not like notes or a list. Use full paragraphs for each main idea.
task response
Support each main point with a short clear example. For example, say how social media helps people keep in touch with family far away.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, such as firstly, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea in each paragraph. Do not mix many ideas in one long part.
task response
Add a balanced paragraph about advantages before you decide they are less important than disadvantages.
task response
You gave a clear opinion that the disadvantages are stronger than the advantages.
coherence and cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, so the reader can follow your main view.
task response
Your ideas are easy to understand in many parts, especially about less face-to-face talk and too much phone use.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
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