The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The line graph shows how many members engage with different activities at
lonely station
Fix capitalization
Lonely Station
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in Melbourne, Australia
from
Punctuation problem
, from
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2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph illustrates different programs:
Film
Use synonyms
club
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, Material
arts
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,
Amateur
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dramatics
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,
Table
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tennis
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and Musical
performances
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. It obviosly appear that four activities started since
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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except Musical
performances
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, it created in 2005. In 2000,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
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club
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had approximately 65 participants,
Material
Correct article usage
the Material
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arts
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had about 35 and
Amateur
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dramatics
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25
Verb problem
had 25
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and
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Table
Correct article usage
the Table
show examples
tennis
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about
Verb problem
had about
show examples
15. After 5 years Musical
performances
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established
Verb problem
were established
show examples
, on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
sides
Table
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tennis
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and
Amateur
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dramatics
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rise about five members.
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
club
Use synonyms
and Material
arts
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decrease
in the same rate nearly
Correct word order
at nearly the same rate
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. In 2010 Musical
arts
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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to almost 12 members
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
Use synonyms
film
Correct article usage
the film
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club
Use synonyms
and
Table
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tennis
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show
Wrong verb form
showed
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contrast.
However
Linking Words
,
Material
Correct article usage
the material
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
had up to roughly 40 participants.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
,
Amateur
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dramatics
Use synonyms
had fallen to 20. After 5 years, Musical
performances
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and
Film
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club
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increase
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
bi
Correct your spelling
bit
, in the oppoisite Material
arts
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and
Amateur
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dramatics
Use synonyms
decrease.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
table
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tennis
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shows incrediably raise to about 55. In the final year
to statics
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Film
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club
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
to 65, and
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Table
Correct article usage
the Table
show examples
tennis
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to almost 55.
While
Linking Words
there is
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
in
Amateur
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dramatics
Use synonyms
to 5. In the far Musical
performances
Use synonyms
and Material
arts
Use synonyms
show contrast.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words film, club, arts, amateur, dramatics, table, tennis, performances with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
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