IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowdays people belive that we have too many choices, to extent agree or disagree

In modern life, most people think that we have too many options. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 sentence. In
this
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 essay, I will cover two fields that have been affected. On the one hand, the shopping field has
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of products now.
Therefore
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, we struggle to buy something new because it takes a lot of energy and time to decide.
For example
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, someone who decides to change his car will distracts because abundance of cars,
as a
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result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 will take
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 amount of time to buy a new one.
Moreover
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, technology has been developed in recent times, which helps generate online shopping that
fasts
Verb problem
speeds up
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 the process and creates more choices for us.
For example
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, it appears new China applications
such
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 as Shein and Temu for clothing that expand the industry.
On the other hand
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, because different universities and majors in education, many students struggle to decide their passion in life.
In addition
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, some students
realize
Change the spelling
realise
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 they
are choose
Wrong verb form
have chosen
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 the wrong path that did not match their personality. For that, they lost years figuring out the right road for them and trying to learn new subjects in order to change their career.
For example
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, research shows that 40% of students
realize
Change the spelling
realise
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 that they didn’t satisfy with their jobs because
the
Change preposition
of the
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 plenty of choices around them
Linking Words
besides
Punctuation problem
, besides
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 the lack of orientation from schools and teachers. In conclusion, modern humans struggle to choose the right products or the best career path that fit his need because
the
Change preposition
of the
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 multiple choices and less
of
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apply
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orientation. هذا التعديل صححه لي

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear and you agree from the start. This is good. But some ideas need more full explanation.
task response
Task response: Keep your main idea the same in all parts. In the last line, use 'their needs' not 'his need' because you talk about many people.
task response
Task response: Your examples are useful, but some feel too general. Add one more clear and real example for each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion. This gives it a good basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar mistakes. Use shorter sentences to make your meaning more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Link words like 'therefore', 'moreover', and 'for example' are used well, but sometimes the flow between ideas is weak. Make sure each sentence connects to the one before it.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion: you fully agree.
task response
You cover two clear areas: shopping and education.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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