IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a paltform to learn. Some believe that is would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?

It is commonly believed that an increasing number of individuals prefer the
internet
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 as a platform to learn. Some individuals argue that the
internet
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 will replace the need for
books
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. In my view, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because the
internet
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 is more convenient than
books
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, and the
network
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 is updated in real-time. First of all, the primary reason why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
network
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 will minimise the reliance on paper
books
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 is the simplicity
to search
Change preposition
of searching
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, cyberspace is a more convenient and faster method to find the necessary
information
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,
whereas
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 in paper
books
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 you need to read them completely to find the
information
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 you need.
Furthermore
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, a
network
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 provides remote access to the
information
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,
while
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 to find something in a book,
firstly
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, you need to find a book in libraries with
this
Linking Words
 material. The second biggest factor why the
network
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 is better than
books
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 is data validity and dynamic content.
Information
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 on the
internet
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 is current,
while
Linking Words
books
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 can become outdated quickly.
As a result
Linking Words
, a person will utilise current
information
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 without the risk that the material may be outdated.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
internet
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 provides videos, interactive graphs, and audio,
while
Linking Words
books
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 are limited to text and images. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the
internet
Use synonyms
 is an effective platform to study, and it will completely replace
books
Use synonyms
 and libraries in the future.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. This is good. But your ideas need more detail and one real example to make your point stronger.
task response
Task response: You answer both parts of the question, but the idea that books will fully disappear is a very strong claim. You should explain this more carefully.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear shape with introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking is good, like 'First of all', 'Furthermore', and 'In addition'. But some phrases are not natural, and a few ideas move too fast. Add smoother links and clearer topic sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: In some sentences, the meaning is not fully clear because of word choice or grammar, for example 'network will minimise the reliance on paper books'. Use simpler and more direct language.
task response
You clearly say your opinion in the introduction and keep the same position in the whole essay.
task response
You give two main reasons for your view: ease of search and up-to-date information.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into paragraphs, and it has both an introduction and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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