IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the good leaders are born, whereas others hold the opinion that the leadership qualities could be obtained during the life. Who represents the good leader qualities indeed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, many companies seek successful leaders, because they return to the company in many aspects of the company domin
such
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 as developing.
Hence
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, some people think that good leaders are born with personality,
while
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 others see
the
Correct word choice
that
show examples
leadership
Use synonyms
 quality might be gained through experience.
This
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 essay will show
both
Use synonyms
 points and present my opinion.
To begin
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 with, life teaches people, especially
situations
Change preposition
through the situations
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they have had .
In other words
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, they gain experience from every situation encounter either positive or negative.
Moreover
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, when individuals gain many situations, they will have many experiences.
For example
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, children who are missing parents, either
both
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 or one, usually they will succeed in their lives, it may be because they face many challenges.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 they are useful
from that
Change preposition
in those
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 situations. But it depends on what is the useful percentage of
this
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 situation,
to individuals
Correct word order
for individuals to
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 have a brain and how they process
this
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 data and how they store it.
On the other hand
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, talent may play a role in
leadership
Use synonyms
, since we can see some children have
leadership
Use synonyms
qualities
Punctuation problem
qualities,
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although
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 they do not have long experience in life. It can be possible to say that
,
Correct determiner usage
a
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 generation could affect from other.
For instance
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, it can be clearly seen that some families have a good leader in our society ,
such
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 as many families in today's society, like the kings of Saudi Arabia. By way of conclusion,
leadership
Use synonyms
 rely on some properties. In my opinion, I tend to balance
both
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 views,
to
Correct word choice
as
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both
Use synonyms
 measures play a vital role in leader quality.
However
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, it may
leadership
Use synonyms
 degree have range depend on two points.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say your view in a direct way and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Some points are not clear, so the reader cannot fully understand your meaning.
task response
Use examples that match your point better. Your example about children and missing parents is not fully clear or well linked to leadership.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part. Then add two or three clear support sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like first, also, for example, on the other hand, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word order. Some lines are hard to follow because the ideas jump too much.
task response
You answered both sides of the topic and gave your own view at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use examples to support your ideas.
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