IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There are two types of countries.
Ones
Correct determiner usage
Some
show examples
 have free
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others do not. Each
country
Use synonyms
 decides for
themselves
Fix the agreement mistake
itself
show examples
. And there could be several reasons why
this
Linking Words
 may or may not be a good idea. But I do agree with the point that every
country
Use synonyms
 should provide
at
Change preposition
apply
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medical
services
Use synonyms
or
Change preposition
for
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 free. And I have two reasons for that.
Firstly
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, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who cannot afford to pay for medical treatment.
Therefore
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, their lifetime may
shorten
Wrong verb form
be shortened
show examples
 significantly. And, I think,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 in the best interest of each
country
Use synonyms
 to prolong the average lifetime of its citizens. In my
expereince
Correct your spelling
experience
, I have
encoutered
Correct your spelling
encountered
 several
people
Use synonyms
 who could not afford any treatment
of
Change preposition
for
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 their
health
Use synonyms
 problems. In one case, my friend had a few dental issues. But he could not afford to treat those issues for years. And it's scientifically proven that keeping your teeth healthy can prolong your life by tens of years. In the other case, the man I knew had a major kidney failure. And
while
Linking Words
 it was
possibe
Correct your spelling
possible
 to get a transplant and completely heal
this
Linking Words
 person, he could not afford it. That's why every
country
Use synonyms
 needs to provide at least some basic
helth
Correct your spelling
health
services
Use synonyms
 for free.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who will not go to the hospital until their
health
Use synonyms
 problem becomes untreatable. And
there
Correct determiner usage
the
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 reason for
this
Linking Words
 is usually that
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to spend their money on what they think is not urgent.
Off
Use the right word
Of
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 course,
such
Linking Words
 kind of issues could be solved by educating
people
Use synonyms
 to have regular
health
Use synonyms
 checks. But several
researches
Replace the word
studies
 have shown that many
people
Use synonyms
 will still
hestitate
Correct your spelling
hesitate
 to pay for staying in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
health
Use synonyms
. But if those
people
Use synonyms
 are offered a free
health
Use synonyms
 check
instead
Linking Words
, they most likely would have accepted it. In my
work
Add a comma
work,
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 I have been to several countries providing free
health
Use synonyms
 checks. And my
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 there would go to check their
health
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 every once in a
while
Linking Words
 without any doubts. In conclusion, I should say that it is vital for the
country
Use synonyms
 to have at least partially free medical support for their citizens.And for the reasons described, either inability to pay for the
services
Use synonyms
, or hesitation to pay for
health
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 checks, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that costs for the
country
Use synonyms
 are less than
Use synonyms
people lifes
Check wording
people's lives
show examples
.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first part. Say if you fully agree or only partly agree.
task response
Answer all parts of the task. You talk well about free basic care, but you do not really talk about the part on very new and costly treatment.
task response
Develop each main idea a bit more. Some ideas are good, but they need one more clear step of explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body part. This helps the reader follow your plan.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more smoothly. At times, the jump from one idea to the next is too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one part. In some places, the example and the main point are not tied together well enough.
task response
You give a clear opinion and stay close to it in most of the essay.
task response
You use real examples, and this helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic clear shape: start, two main parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
Words like Firstly, Secondly, and In conclusion help guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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