Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinio

Some
people
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presume that
people
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are becoming less
socialized
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socialised
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due to
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modern
technology
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;
however
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, others think that
technology
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has made
people
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more sociable. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both these views and give my opinion on each view, resulting in a comprehensive conclusion. On the one hand, modern
technology
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offers diverse ways and various platforms to connect with
people
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globally. To explain it, nowadays, social media platforms
such
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as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter,
Linkedin
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LinkedIn
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, and
Whatsapp
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WhatsApp
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are making
people
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more sociable by connecting through audio or video calls.
For instance
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, in Canada, technological advancements have
connect
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connected
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people
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across
the boarders
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borders
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through video calls using online communication platforms;
as a result
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,
people
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connect globally and become more
socialize
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socialised
. In my opinion,
however
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, modern
technology
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has minimised face-to-face interactions because of online chatting and calls.
On the other hand
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, because of modern
technology
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people
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, people
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are significantly distracted from building connections. To elaborate
it
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apply
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, lots of
people
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in their workplaces and homes play games or watch social media reels;
hence
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, they do not spend time with their colleagues and family members.
This
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indicates that
technology
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has
widen
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widened
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the family connections. In
additon
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addition
to
this
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, I believe that older
people
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face more isolation because they have limited knowledge
how
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of how
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to use modern
technology
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. In conclusion,
while
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modern
technology
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connects
people
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globally, it
also
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reduces family gatherings
due to
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availability
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the availability
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of various entertainment options.
Finally
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, it is crucial to
optimize
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optimise
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the consequences of the use of modern
technology
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to
ensur
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ensure
positive outcomes for individuals and society as a whole.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is there, but it is not fully clear all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea in each body paragraph very clear at the start.
task response
Support each main point with a clear and direct example. Some examples now are general or not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple but correct way, like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'in conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. A few ideas jump too fast.
task response
Explain your opinion more clearly in the second body paragraph, not only in the first one.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main question.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow in general.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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