IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B

Two charts illustrate the proportion of both genders in 3 different jobs in two countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, women who
work
Use synonyms
 in the service show the same percentages in both countries,
while
Linking Words
 most men in the
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 are employed in the service.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, 56% of male workers in
Country
Use synonyms
Acountry
Correct your spelling
A
work
Use synonyms
 in service,
whereas
Linking Words
 65% men
work
Use synonyms
in that
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in state
B
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, females in both areas depict the same proportions, constituting 49%. Agriculture,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, is occupied by A
country
Use synonyms
’s male workers, representing 29%.
While
Linking Words
 with significantly low percentages, males in
B
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
 show only 3%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, 43% of women in
country
Use synonyms
 A
work
Use synonyms
 in agriculture,
only
Correct word choice
while only
show examples
 1% of females in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in that sector In terms of industry, men in
B
Use synonyms
 state show twice as many as male workers in
country
Use synonyms
 A, 32% and 16%, respectively.
Conversely
Linking Words
, women present relatively low percentages on industry, the first
country
Use synonyms
 8%, the second one is 11%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, country, b with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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