IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year

The bar chart compares the number of employed persons who did
Use synonyms
job
Check wording
jobs
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 in seven various
Use synonyms
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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 in Australia by male and female in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, men accounted for the highest number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employment,
while
Linking Words
 women recorded the lowest figure in that particular year. In terms of male
job
Use synonyms
interest
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, a significant number of Australian
job
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holder
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holders
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 showed an
interest
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 in
Tradespeople
Correct article usage
the Tradespeople
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sector
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, accounting for 900s
,
Punctuation problem
.
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However
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 were the least
Use synonyms
interest
Replace the word
interested
 in Laboureres
sector
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, at around 400s.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Clerical was the second largest
job
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 field, at approximately 880s,
whereas
Linking Words
 smei-professionals(520s), production(550s), managers( 600s), and professionals(650s) represented the smallest share.
According to
Linking Words
 the female
job
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interest
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, Clerical was considerably higher than other jobs, at almost 1000%, compared to the production
sector
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 and tradespeople
sector
Use synonyms
 were, 100s, which had the lowest figure for women.
In addition
Linking Words
, most of the
femals
Correct your spelling
females
 were highly keen
in
Change preposition
on
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 professional
job
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 sectors, at 700s,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 were not fond of
in
Change preposition
apply
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managers, labourers, and
semi-professionals
Correct word choice
semi-professional
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job
Use synonyms
 fields, at around 200s, 280s, and 360s, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words job, sector, interest with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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