IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The question of whether medical treatment should be available to everyone has sparked considerable debate in recent years. There could be many political and historical reasons why
this
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 has or has not been introduced in each particular country yet. And, I totally agree that it should become a worldwide practice to provide free
of charge
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 support for everyone
despite
Punctuation problem
, despite
show examples
 any possible drawbacks. And I have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 reasons to think so.
Firstly
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, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who cannot afford to pay for
health
Use synonyms
 services, whether it’s a regular
check up
Correct your spelling
check-up
 or an expensive neurosurgery. That means that without proper medication, their lifetime may be shortened significantly.
In other words
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, it is in the best interest of each country to decrease the death rate of its citizens. In my experience, I have encountered several
people
Use synonyms
 who could not afford to treat their
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
For instance
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, a friend of mine has been having a dental issue for years
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because he could not afford to pay for the treatment.
As a result
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, he was diagnosed with a serious chronic condition. Most importantly, it is scientifically proven that keeping your teeth healthy can prolong your life for tens of years.
Secondly
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, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who will not go to the hospital until their
health
Use synonyms
 problem becomes untreatable. And the reason for
this
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 is usually that they do not want to spend their money on what they think is not urgent.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
such
Linking Words
 kinds of issues could be solved by educating
people
Use synonyms
 to have regular
health
Use synonyms
 checks.
However
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, several
researches
Replace the word
studies
 have shown that many
people
Use synonyms
 will still hesitate to pay for staying in good
health
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.
On the contrary
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, if those
people
Use synonyms
 are offered a free treatment
instead
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, they most likely would have accepted it. As an example of
this
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, my colleagues
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 from countries providing free
health
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 checks
,
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apply
show examples
 do it regularly,
while
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 the colleagues from countries with only paid
health
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insurances
Check wording
insurance
show examples
 do
this
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 rarely. In conclusion, my opinion is that it is vital for the country to have at least partially free medical support for their
people
Use synonyms
. Even so,
this
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 could mean that
people
Use synonyms
 need to pay more taxes, or that some progressive medicine would not be available for everyone. Still, for the reasons described above, either inability or hesitation to pay for
health
Use synonyms
 services could cost
people
Use synonyms
 their lives.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
 even a chance to save those lives has to be taken without a doubt.

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task response
Make your answer fit the full question more. You agree, but you need to talk more about the part on new treatment being too costly.
task response
Give one or two more clear ideas on why free care is still better even when some new care is not given.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but some feel too personal. Add one wider example about society or the state.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more clearly. A few parts are long and a bit hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use paragraph starts and link words in a more natural way. Some are used too often or in a slightly odd way.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match the main view fully. You say 'at least partly free' after saying fully free before.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep it through most of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
Most main points have support or an example.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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