IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that in order to reduce crimes, prisoners should be given longer prison sentences while some people think there are other alternative ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

An increasing number of people have started to discuss whether longer
jail
Use synonyms
 terms are a better way to reduce the crime rate. From my point of view, I agree that it is not an effective way to reduce the crime rate by putting criminals in
jail
Use synonyms
. Among numerous reasons supporting my ideas, the primary one is that prisoners should be prepared for their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 after the completion of
sentence
Correct determiner usage
their sentence
show examples
 terms. If they do not have any practical skills which enable them to make a living, they would commit a crime repeatedly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, criminals should be trained to have some practical skills. Take the Taiwanese criminal justice system
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example. A series of vocational training is provided in order to equip inmates with essential skills for their future survival. Some of them attend baking and cooking courses, and some are taught how to repair electronic devices. By doing so, they can lead a great existence and avoid engaging in criminal activities for survival
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
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. Those who hold different views might argue that the best way is to imprison offenders for a
longer
Check wording
longer period
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 time. Longer imprisonment can effectively deter people from
crimes
Verb problem
committing crimes
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 because most of us are afraid
of
Correct pronoun usage
of it
show examples
 losing freedom. At first glance, their argument seems to be plausible;
however
Linking Words
, they might leave some other important facts out. The root cause of most criminal acts is a miserable life, which cannot be solved by throwing a person in
jail
Use synonyms
 for a longer time. We should,
therefore
Linking Words
, help them get rid of it,
instead
Linking Words
 of punishing them for their unlawful behaviours.
To conclude
Linking Words
, as far as I am concerned, longer
jail
Use synonyms
 time is not effective because it does not deal with the problems completely. We should provide education for criminals so that they have a chance to lead a better existence and to know the importance of following laws.

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task response
Write about both sides in a more equal way. Your essay gives more space to the other ways and less space to longer prison time.
task response
Add one more clear idea for the view that supports longer sentences. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the introduction and keep the same line in all body parts.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some lines are long, so the flow is a bit hard at times.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a very clear main idea, then add support after it.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice like 'lead a great existence'. Use more natural simple words like 'live a better life'.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion clearly.
task response
You include a real example about Taiwan, and this helps support your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow in a logical order, so the reader can follow your meaning.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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