IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that computer games can be detrimental for children's health. Others think that they can be great for education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people hold the belief that the
games
Use synonyms
 kids play on the computer have harmful effects on their health.
On the contrary
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, some even think that it serves as an aid to make their learning process fun. I agree with
this
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 notion that certain video
games
Use synonyms
 impact young minds
well
Rephrase
negatively
show examples
 if the
games
Use synonyms
 promote aggression and violence. Parental supervision is a must when
this
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 situation arises. Depending on the context of the game, if there is action and fighting involved, it could
pronote
Correct your spelling
promote
 violence
and
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, and
show examples
 as youngsters below 18 are easily influenced, they can imitate those aggressive moves without actually thinking about the repercussions of their actions.
Thus
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,
such
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 digital
games
Use synonyms
 pose a threat to themselves and that of others.
However
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, there are
also
Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
 that promote learning
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as applications to walk through basic mathematical
calaculations
Correct your spelling
calculations
 through story telling process. In
such
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 applications, the kids learn
while
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 playing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it makes the learning much smoother and worthwhile for the learners.
To conclude
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, the damage
games
Use synonyms
 played on
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 depends on the type of electronic game played. The level of danger varies depending on the digital game type.
However
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parental monitoring is a must when their kids are engaging with
such
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 video
games
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk more about harm than help.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear and steady way from start to end.
task response
Add one more clear example for the good side and one for the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences to start each body part clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like however, because, so, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat at the end. Make the last part shorter and clearer.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main task.
task response
Your opinion is present, and you mention the need for parents to watch children.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Most sentences follow a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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