IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

In many
countries
Use synonyms
 , affordable health care are subject of growing concern.
Due to
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 costly
medicines
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,
people
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 die in poor
countries
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,
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
because
medicines
Use synonyms
 are not cheap.
While
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 some
companies
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 opt to keep their medicine costs as low as possible to make it affordable for everyone, other
companies
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 keep the prices very high for their critical
medicines
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. Personally, I believe drug
companies
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 should keep their products available at low cost. The most significant reason for my agreement is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 everyone has a right to get the best and most affordable healthcare.
This
Linking Words
 is largely because it is a basic need for any human. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen during the COVID-19 era, where India shared medicine at very low cost with other
countries
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 and
companies
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 from those
countries
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 quickly started distributing it.
This
Linking Words
 clearly demonstrates that, if drug products are cheap,
then
Linking Words
people
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 from poor
countries
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 can fight
diseases
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 like Covid. Equally important is the fact that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 spreading of disease which are variants of basic
diseases
Use synonyms
 would not transmit to other
countries
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. To make
this
Linking Words
 argument clearer, if basic
diseases
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 for which
medicines
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 are available at a low cost ,
then
Linking Words
people
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 will recover quickly; else, if they travel unhealthily from one country to another, they will spread the disease in those
countries
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 without knowing it. In conclusion, I firmly agree that
people
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 will not die from
diseases
Use synonyms
 that are curable, if drug
companies
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 lower their product prices in poor
countries
Use synonyms
, primarly beacuse human right to good healthcare and to avoid spreading of variants of
diseases
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 from these
countries
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.

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task response
Answer the main question more fully. Say why low prices help poor countries, and also why some people may not agree.
task response
Make each main idea clearer with one simple reason and one clear example.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic closely. The Covid example helps, but explain it more simply.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and link it clearly to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer commas. Too many commas make reading hard.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and in conclusion.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use an example to support your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
What to do next:
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