IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the amount of time spend on sports and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight childer ? do you think this the best way to deal with the problem? what other solutions can you suggest

Sports
Use synonyms
 play an indispensable role in everyone's life. Some individuals believe that
schools
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 should prioritize exercise and
sports
Use synonyms
 sector in their
school
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 curriculum to reduce the problem of obese
children
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. I think spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on physical activities is not an ideal solution. Adopting a healthy lifestyle, ban on ready made meals, and
limit
Wrong verb form
limiting
show examples
 their
screening
Replace the word
screen
time
Use synonyms
 will definitely help to make them fit and healthier. The main benefit of increasing
time
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 for
sports
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 and exercise in
schools
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 assist them to manage their
time
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 effectively.
Mostly
Rephrase
Most
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 students have enough
time
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 in
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schools
Check wording
school
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, so
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting it, they can use it to improve productivity. By participating in various competitions not only boost their confidence but
also
Linking Words
 prepare
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 to take
challenges
Change preposition
on challenges
show examples
 in life and make their future bright if they show
keen
Correct article usage
a keen
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 interest
in particular
Linking Words
 skills.
Additionally
Linking Words
, games teach us valuable lessons
such
Linking Words
 as
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
, co-operation and
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 communication skills as well. If a student spends more
time
Use synonyms
 on doing these
games
Punctuation problem
games,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 he will become more energetic
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and refreshed.
However
Linking Words
, I think increasing
time
Use synonyms
 is not the perfect solution for reducing the
weight
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 of overweight
children
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. What the
schools
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 can do
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
one of the subjects physical education should be included
Correct word order
is include physical education
show examples
 in their
school
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 curriculum, and with the help of
this
Linking Words
 subject,
children
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 can learn about the various
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 and
sports
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 in detail. It will create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
curiosity among
children
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 to adopt a healthy lifestyle.
Also
Linking Words
, the main aim of the
schools
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 is to provide academic knowledge to students. If the
school
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's focus
on
Verb problem
is on
show examples
 controlling the
weight
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 of
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children
Punctuation problem
children,
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then
Linking Words
 nobody will like to come to
school
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. There are other measures which are more effective for those who
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from
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weight related
Correct your spelling
weight-related
 issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should impose
ban
Correct article usage
a ban
show examples
 on fast food companies, which make
children
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addictive
Replace the word
addicted
 and obese.
In addition
Linking Words
, packaged food increases the
health related
Correct your spelling
health-related
 problems
such
Linking Words
high
Change preposition
as high
show examples
 blood pressure, heart attack etcetera.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents should encourage healthy eating habits among
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, juice, sandwiches and salad should be a part of
meal
Correct article usage
a meal
show examples
 at their home.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
children
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 gain more
weight
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 when they spend more
time
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching videos on screen and playing video games all the
time
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. Parents should take strict actions and limit their screen
time
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 increasing
sports
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time
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 in
schools
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 can benefit students in many ways, it is not the most effective solution for tackling childhood obesity. A combination of physical education, healthy eating habits, and reduced screen
time
Use synonyms
 is far more successful in helping
children
Use synonyms
 maintain a healthy lifestyle.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why more sport is not the best way, and keep this idea strong in all body parts.
task response
Use main ideas that match the question. Some points about time use, future success, and school liking are not closely about overweight children.
task response
Give one or two clear examples about food, home habits, or screen time to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences jump from one point to another without a clear step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, such as first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan.
task response
You give other ways to solve the problem, like healthy food and less screen time.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight children
  • physical activity
  • do exercise regularly
  • burn calories
  • healthy lifestyle
  • build good habits
  • school timetable
  • academic subjects
  • junk food
  • fast food
  • sugary drinks
  • balanced diet
  • health education
  • screen time
  • inactive lifestyle
  • mental health
  • at a young age
  • play an important role
  • deal with the problem
  • a long-term solution
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